Saturday, November 27: Mississippi Mud
UNORIGINAL SINS
by John M. Floyd
All of us, whether we’re writers or not, have pet peeves. One of mine is clichés. Or at least certain clichés.
Why do they bother me so? Think of it this way . . .
One of my favorite TV commercials of the past several years features a guy standing in his house flipping a switch on the wall, on and off, over and over again. While he’s doing this, he’s calling to his wife, who’s in the other room and paying no attention whatsoever, “Honey, what’s this switch for?” Meanwhile, somewhere down the street, an old lady is sitting horrified and wide-eyed in her car, watching her garage door crash down on her hood, raise up again, and crash down, in perfect time with Doofus’s switch-flipping.
The first time I saw that commercial, I howled like a hyena (is that a cliché?). I even laughed at it the second time, and probably the third. But after maybe the tenth viewing, the novelty was gone. It was still funny, and I appreciated the humor, but I barely chuckled, and pretty soon I got tired of watching it. After a couple months or so, I was sick of it.
Same thing happens with clichés. The first time we as readers/writers see a witty phrase in a story or a book, it’s catchy and interesting and impressive. Why? Because it’s new. It’s fresh. I wish I’d thought of that, we think. The next time we see it (or hear it, in a movie or a newscast or even an office conversation) it’s not as striking, and before long it becomes as boring as an old joke. In the literary world, the overuse of anything is risky — and besides, writers are expected to be original.
What are some of the worst clichés? That’s a matter of opinion. Here are some that I find particularly irritating:
Amazing. The other day I saw a contestant on a TV show tell the host, “I have an amazing boyfriend.” I couldn’t help wondering what made him so amazing. No one should say that except (possibly) Lois Lane.
A sense of closure. I cringe when I hear this one — and boy do I hear it a lot. I’ve told my writing students it better not show up in the manuscripts they give me to critique.
110 %. Someone needs to explain to me (and most sportscasters) how an athlete could ever give 110 % on the playing field. I suppose that would be truly amazing.
The whole enchilada/the whole nine yards/the whole ball of wax. I can’t even imagine how these got started, and I probably don’t want to know.
Ground zero. Anyone using this phrase should be forced to stand there during the explosion.
24/7. It seems I hear this one used 24/7.
All about . . . A while back I saw a campaign ad where the candidate gazed solemnly into the camera and said, “I’m all about the people.” I voted against him for that reason alone.
Serious as a heart attack. I wasn’t crazy about this one the first time I heard it. After the 100th time I was ready to gag myself with a spoon. (Oops, that’s a cliché too.)
Give it your best shot. Enough said.
Awesome. This one isn’t old old, like “groovy” or “swell,” but it’s getting there. The Grand Canyon (and maybe Chet Atkins’s guitar playing) is awesome. Your brother’s new iPod, or your date’s outfit, or your friend’s suggestion to go to the movies, probably isn’t.
Ratchet up. This is what you need to do to your self-editing skills, if you use this phrase.
What are the clichés you love to hate? All of us have a few.
And that’s the bottom line . . .
I detest bizspeak, like ‘stakeholders’ and sports metaphors. I heard a news clip a day or so ago where a guy mixed metaphors, something like “bases loaded and we kicked a field goal.”
Why didn’t Michael Jordan think of that?
How about the ones that insult your intelligence like “Its over when it’s over.”
You’re right, Cindy, everybody knows it’s over only when the fat lady sings. As for sports metaphors, I too am sick of them, except when it’s fourth down and goal to go. And my years at IBM gave me enough business buzzwords (synergy, paradigm, added-value, mission-critical) to . . . well, to choke a horse.
A couple more cliches that I hate but forgot to include are “pushing the envelope” and “thinking outside the box.” Argggh.
“on the ground” when used by reporters. “The situation on the ground…” etc.
“issues.” I have issues with people who use that word.
“it’s all good.” no it isn’t.
“it is what it is” is about over.
One of my pet aversions: “at this moment in time”
A cliché website that’ll make your teeth curl.
All on the same page (originally of music, by the way).
Reinventing the wheel.
Rebooting.
Achieving connectivity.
Regarding running backs in American football, being “explosive.”
Regarding the abomination of using the word “issue” to mean problem, my wife was once in a conversation, really more of a gossip, concerning one of her colleagues, when one of the group asked, “What’s her issue?”
To which Margaret replied, “Scarlett, female, age six, and William, male, age four.”
I tend to make them up. I am ambidextrous and I think I might have cliche dyslexia as I don’t know my right from left hand and cliches tumble about in my head….backwards.
For instance, not too long ago, I had a nasty hangover. My husband who is a non-drinker (tee-totaler) said something way too loudly to my liking.
When he asked what my problem was I told him that hairy dog bit my butt. he laughed, I groaned and put the pillow back over my head.
I still think it works.
Enjoyed your article. It was awesome and I really got a sense of closure while eating 100% of the whole enchilada. Amazing.
>I groaned and put the pillow back over my head.
Don’t give your husband ideas!
At least bizspeak haters have evolved Bullshit Bingo. Someone, somewhere, is about to make his fortune inventing an app that distributes cliche-coded Bingo cards for everybody listening to, say, a political speech. Or maybe there should be an element of skill: let people prepare and register their own cards before the speech.
(Yes, I checked bullshitbingo.com. I’m talking about a live cloud-based demand-driven thinking-out-of-the-penalty-box . . . aah, you get the idea)
This was the cat’s pajamas! (old cliche!)
Something I didn’t mention: Even though I hate hearing/reading certain cliches, I’m often guilty of using way too many of the more common cliches in my own speech AND writing, and I have to watch specifically for that during rewrites. But I’m trying to do better. 24/7.
Leigh…he wouldn’t dare! He’s afraid my ghost would haunt him far worse than me with a hangover! Fersure…..
John I like your quirky sense of humour.
Now I’m signing off wondering why cats have pajamas but oh well…..
Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving….
“a dog barked somewhere in the distance”
“moving forward”
“at the end of the day”
“singing from the same song/hymn sheet”
And my all time pet hate: “let’s rock and roll!”
“moving forward” reminds me of “continue on”. Where else are you going to continue? I suppose the constant usage can turn these phrases into cliches, but are they really cliches or misuse of the English language? Oh James, where are you?
As I freelance in advertising, I see wording that pops up again and again. They always tell me to leave it alone when I point out stuff like “truly unique,” for instance.
And I really don’t want to hear “Oh, you’re gooooood,” or “That’s gonna leave a mark,” or “That’s gonna hurt,” anymore.