A MASTER BEGINS

by Robert Lopresti

A few days ago something one of my blogmates wrote got me thinking and I went looking for the story I wanted to use by way of reply. I knew it was a story by Jack Ritchie, but when I flipped through a book of his stuff I got hopelessly lost in a maze of his masterful opening paragraphs. I completely forgot whatever point I was hoping to make and simply sat admiring a master’s work.

Ritchie was a Wisconsin man who specialized in the comic suspense short story. His first sold in 1953 and he finally won an Edgar not long before his death 30 years later. You may have seen the movie “A New Leaf,” based on his “The Green Heart.” It was later made into a Broadway musical.

I have probably stolen more from Ritchie than any other single author. For example, I have published half a dozen stories about an elderly mob hanger-on turned private eye named Uncle Victor. Victor’s distinguishing characteristic is a totally unjustified sense of self-confidence, and that I borrowed from Ritchie’s most famous character, Milwaukee Detective Sergeant Henry Turnbuckle.

I will be saying more about Ritchie’s influence on me in a few months (ooh, how mysterious), but today I just want to celebrate some of the man’s brilliant opening gambits. Most of these came from his posthumous book, Little Boxes of Bewilderment. It just occurred to me that if you took out the “said Mr. So-and-so” some of them could be the captions for James Thurber cartoons. Enjoy!

“Children,” Miss Wicker commanded, “tell the detective where you hid the cyanide.” (“Play A Game of Cyanide”)

On the rear floor of the victim’s automobile we found twenty-three small paper bags, each containing two bars of hand soap. (“The 23 Brown Paper Bags”)

“It’s my belief that the sausage is one of the noblest inventions of mankind,” Henry Chandler said. “And presented in the form of a sandwich, it is not only nourishing, but also so practical. One can conduct the process of eating without undue preoccupation. One may read, or watch, or hold a gun.” (“A Taste For Murder”)

We had been married three months and I rather thought it was time to get rid of my wife. (“The Green Heart”)

“You wouldn’t happen to know where I can find some curare?” Ronnie asked. (“Living By Degrees”)

It had been my misfortune to arrest the mayor’s son for drunk driving. (“Take Another Look”)

“I am a linear descendant of Jack the Ripper,” Mr. Pomfret said. (“Ripper Moon”)