TAIRY FAILS

by Leigh Lundin

Spoonerisms

The Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844-1930), a don at Oxford, was a homely, misshapen man, but he was held in great esteem and affection by both faculty and students. He was notoriously absent-minded and noted for mixing up concepts and words. He is particularly known for the eponymous spoonerisms, in which consonants or morphemes of words are transposed, such as "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride" and "blushing crow".

Two spoonerisms known to have been uttered by Spooner are

• "The weight of rages press hard upon the employer."
• "Kinkering congs their titles take."

Today’s article came about from a Thanksgiving conversation in which I mentioned "chickasee a fricken and flop the moor." No one had heard the expressions, nor had several people I spoke with subsequently heard of Cinderella and her step sisty uglers.

On the internet, we found a copy which had us laughing ourselves silly. For some reason, they sound funnier when read aloud. To my surprise, I found several variations, partly because the story was often read live and partly because multiple generations have created their own versions. But first, let me tell you about Cinderella.

The Story of Cinderella

Cinderella lived in a big hark douse with her mean old mep-stother and her two step-sisty uglers. They made Cinderella do all the worty dirk while they sat around cheating ocolates and magging readazines.

One day, while Cinderella was in the kitchen flopping the moor, the two sisty uglers came in and said, "Guess what? The prandsome hince is frowing a thancy bess drall and we’re invited! It’s too bad you can’t go!"

So, Cinderella went back to the kitchen with ears in her tyes. She was just about to chickasee a fricken when, suddenly, there was a linding bash of flight, and standing beside her was a feautiful bairy.

The feautiful bairy said, "I’m your mairy fod-gother. Cry are you whying?"

And Cinderella said, "I want to go to the ball."

So she waved her magic wand and, instantly, Cinderella was transformed into a bavishing reauty. She had on a long white gap and soun and a necklace of pubies and rearls, and on her feet were two tiny sass glippers.

The fairy said, "Now, you may go, but you must promise to be mome by hidnight."

And Cinderella said, "Okay." So she was off.

Soon, she cast to the camelle and the first poo teople she ran into were the step sisty uglers, but she was so beautiful, they didn’t Cinderize recognella!

So, they introduced her to the prandsome hince, and he said, "May I dav this hance? You’re so beautiful, you remind me of Bleeping Seauty!"

She pranced with the dince and he was about to ask for her marr in handiage when, suddenly, the stock clarted to trike swelve, and Cinderella ban from the rall. But, as she did, one of her sass glippers flipped from her soot. The prandsome hince picked it up and said, "Now all I have to do is find the woman whose soot this flipper sits, and I’ll know whom I’ve lallen in fove with!"

So, the next day, he went from house to house (and you can’t turn that around!), and, soon, he came to the Cin where housederella lived and docked on the noor. Who should answer but the two sisty uglers. He said, "I’m looking for the woman whose soot this flipper sits." Well, of course, their beet were too fig!

But, then, it was Cinderella’s turn and guess what? The flipper pitted cerfectly, they were married, and they happed lively ever after.

Now the storal of this mory is; if you ever go to a bancy fall, and you want a prandsome hince to lall in fove with you, don’t forget to slop your dripper.

Versions

1. Colonel Lemuel Q. Stoopnagle was the stage name of F. Chase Taylor, star of a 1930s radio program, Stoopnagle and Budd, who used spoonerisms on the radio and in his 1945 a book, My Tale Is Twisted, containing of 44 "spoonerized" versions of well-known children’s stories. Subtitled Wart Pun: Aysop’s Feebles and Tart Pooh: Tairy and Other Fales, these included such tales as "Beeping Sleauty".
2. Stoopnagle inspired other comics such as Jack Ross in his 1962 recording of Cinderella and her Step Sisty Uglers, which is closest to the version presented here.
3. A similar story was told by an amateur comedian in the 1970s The Gong Show, in which Cinderella "sloshed her lipper."
4. That inspired country singer and comic Archie Campbell, who followed with his version he called Rindercella, in which the princess "slopped her dripper."

And that is the story of Cinderella and the sep stisty uglers… er, the step sisty uglers … the umm, …