JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE by Deborah Elliott-Upton “Hold my calls, Velma,” I said as I grabbed my trench coat and the new Fedora sent to me by an anonymous benefactor. “Even the ones from Stephen King?” she asked, the cigarette holder languishing from her fingers like a permanent extension. I sighed. “Is he […]

TUNE THAT NAME by Rob Lopresti I stopped by the Criminal Brief Corporate Headquarters last week to pick up my fan mail and see if any checks had arrived (hey, a man can hope). The place was pretty dead so I asked our receptionist if anyone had been in today. “Just him,” Velma said, not […]

CRIMINAL BRIEF HEADQUARTERS by Melodie Johnson Howe I’m sitting in my office at Criminal Brief Headquarters when Velma, our receptionist, walks in. “Your slip is showing,” she tells me. “I’m wearing jeans.” “Women shouldn’t wear pants in the workplace. It looks cheap.” “It’s 2009, Velma.” “Not for me. Are my seams straight?” She shows me […]

MENCKEN MODERNIZED by James Lincoln Warren The following definitions were taken from Chapter X, “The Jazz Webster”, of H. L. Mencken’s A Book of Burlesques (Borzoi, 1907)—they were obviously written in imitation of Ambrose Bierce. But seeing as more than a century has passed since the marvelous Mr. M formulated them, I have added emendations […]

Professional Tips – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr by Leigh Lundin One of the great things about writing for Criminal Brief is that we seek out one another for help, critique, and assistance. Last week, trying to pin down a literary source, I called upon James, Rob, and Steve. When I need something critiqued, there’s Deborah and John. […]

THE CHEERING SECTION by John M. Floyd I was informed the other day that I’ll be attending a wedding in Atlanta next month. I don’t particularly enjoy weddings, but in the interests of my own marital harmony I suppose I’ll go along to this one and act as if I’m having a good time. More […]

THE LEGEND OF WASHINGTON IRVING by Steve Steinbock In my column a few weeks back I mentioned Washington Irving. The context was random and roundabout, and involved Irving’s story “The Devil and Tom Walker” and how may have inspired Benét’s “The Devil and Daniel Webster,” and how Noah Webster (no relation to Daniel) codified American […]