Sunday, April 5: The A.D.D. Detective
Professional Tips – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr
by Leigh Lundin
One of the great things about writing for Criminal Brief is that we seek out one another for help, critique, and assistance.
Last week, trying to pin down a literary source, I called upon James, Rob, and Steve. When I need something critiqued, there’s Deborah and John. I consulted Melodie last week on a project. Our secretary, Velma, well never mind… She’s still irritated I spelled her name wrong last week.
For the MWA anthology, we each want to see our story in the book, but we also do our best to help each other place as well. James pointed out it’s a slim chance to win one of ten slots, but if all of us can’t be in it, we’d love to see one of us in it.
Vonnegut’s Tips
Being the newest writer on the block, I not only ask for help and advice, I actively seek out hints and tips. Recently, I came across eight tips by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. in his Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction.
- Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
- Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
- Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
- Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
- Start as close to the end as possible.
- Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
- Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
- Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense.
Flannery O’Connor’s Tip
Vonnegut goes on to say that Flannery O’Connor broke all but the first rule, which good writers tend to get away with. O’Connor herself said
"Everywhere I go, I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them. There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."
Hmm. Which way did she mean that?
Finally, a reader of another blog asks
"Could you tell me which is more appropriate or how it is used: snuck vs sneeked – He snuck across the border."
You’ll find the answer in DailyWritingTips.com
Darn it, you snuck around my main line of resistance against learning anything new and taught me something. After reading Daily Writing Tips I decided that ugly word snuck sounds pretty good. It’s one of those words easily visualized.
Also enjoyed your story, “Quality of Mercy,” in the new MWA anthology. Lots of good ones there and yours is one of the best.
I was fortunate to hear Vonnegut speak a few years ago while in Oklahoma City. He was great, full of wisdom and wit. he closed by giving what he said was his best bit of writing advice … “If you are thinking about using a semi-colon; don’t.”
And I hope Velma got the flowers I sent. My apologies again for tracking in mud on the new carpet at Criminal Brief headquarters last week. But i knew Velma could get the stains out.
Velma left us for Mike Hammer. I think it had something to do with Leigh being drunk. (Not “drinked”. Unlike “to sneak”, “to drink” is an irregular verb.)
Ahem. The past tense of “to streak” is not “struck”; it is “streaked”. Even if we choose an irregular verb as a model—and “to sneak” is a regular verb—“snuck” doesn’t cut it: the past tense of “to speak” isn’t “spuck”, it’s “spoke”.
“Snuck” is an abomination. The past tense of “to sneak” is “sneaked”. Just because “snuck” appears in the Times and the Trib doesn’t legitimatize it — au contraire, since newspaper writing these days is unbelievably bad, full of poor grammar and purple prose, and not remotely what it once was. And just because a usage is old doesn’t make it good. (OED lists “snuck” from 1887, and gives four examples through 1979, although I suspect it’s older. The choices made by the editors clearly reflect their opinion that it is dialect.) The only place “snuck” belongs is in dialogue, to represent the ignorance and national origin of the speaker. End of discussion.
As far as I’m concerned, “Daily Writing Tips” has zero credibility.
Just don’t get me started on “thusly”.
I’m sure JLW had me in mind when he wrote that newspaper writing is “not remotely what it once was,” thusly I am certain he was not referring to my earlier post when he said snuck is an abomination.
Of course I was referring to Dick when I said that newspaper writing is not what it once was. When Dick was a reporter, newspapermen were journalists. Now they’re print personalities. Everybody thinks he’s H. L. Mencken, but without the erudition.
But that “thusly” really hurt, Dick.
So, um, can we use ‘sneeked’?
(pronounced SNEE’ked)
So, um, can we use ’sneeked’?
(pronounced SNEE’ked)….
Hmmmmm. I know I snuck a sneaky look when you streaked across the muddy carpets. Thusly, I say; (oh wait, take that ; back) Leigh tie your sneakers before you streak next time.
I swear. That’s all I saw. Promise. Ask Velma.
As I young child, my father introduced me to a wonderful world behind the heavy, creaky doors of our local library. It wasn’t a particularly large building, considering we lived in a city with a population of approximately 35,000. Regardless, it became my Mecca and thus played an important role during my ‘growing up’ years. The very idea of becoming a ‘writer’ never crossed my mind. My mother insisted I should choose a ‘real’ profession. Advice I forgot to pass down to my children, my oldest son being an artist working and living in Toronto. Thankfully, his three siblings chose ‘normal’ professions, an actuary, a kinesiologist, and my youngest daughter is studying economics at the University of Victoria.
It comes as no surprise that I admire writers of any genre, the seven regulars on Criminal Brief in particular. You have allowed me to peek into your everyday lives as you churn out wonderful anecdotes and stories. I have come to appreciate the passionate labour that is incurred to create a work of fiction so that I, and all readers, may lose ourselves in the fantasy of a story well told. I am grateful to my father for instilling in me the love of reading at an early age, and to the many wonderful authors who have kept me entertained throughout the years.
Good writing skills should not be confined to storytellers. As an accountant, writing reports is a large part of what I do. I’ve seen my share of poorly written reports which, in my opinion, leaves a stain on my profession. I am held accountable to my readers so that the interpretations of my financial reports are comprehensible to anyone. I’ve become a regular to Criminal Brief gleaning and using the advice given, even though I’m not an ‘author’.
Alisa, I’m so sorry you were focused on Leigh’s running shoes as he streaked by. You missed out on a thrill of a lifetime. He is HOT!!! I would suggest you offer to tie his laces next time; I’m positive he’ll stop dead in his tracks.
JLW, I am so with you on ‘thusly’ usage. I’ve seen it included too many times in financial reports. It never ceases to make me cringe. Please, let me sneak in the following link: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/thusly
I lied. 🙂
(laughing) You two are too much… but hilarious. (I’m still chuckling.)
Sheena, what you wrote is very evocative. Thank you.