Sunday, February 7: The A.D.D. Detective
WEIRD CRIME STORIES, Feb
by Leigh Lundin
San Diego, CA. Half the population is watching Super Bowl XLIV, which means you’re missing 
your dose of sports. Twice recently I’ve read sports items suggesting fans sitting in the wrong section should be arrested. One story attempted to justify a basketball player leaping into the stands to grapple with a booing fan.
In San Diego, free speech is an arrestable offense. Police exercised disregard and fanatical hubris in arresting a vocal New York Jets’ enthusiast. Surrounding Chargers’ fans booed police for arresting the Jets fan and removing his girlfriend.
Doin’ It Doggy StyleWhiteland, Johnson Co, In. In a girl-bites-dog story, Michelle Owen, 24, decided to take revenge upon her ex-boyfriend for ditching her. Hoping to cop a deal following a drunk driving arrest, this dog lover asked police to check her computer to see if her boyfriend might have downloaded illicit or illegal porn.
Investigators found porn all right: Michelle Owen. And a dog. Together. Like sort of Biblical (not). More than once. Did I mention a canine? A woofer? Fido, Rover, Rin-Tin-Tin? Four-footed girl’s best friend?
Men may be dogs, but most women don’t mean it that way. Following her DUI, friends suggested she recover with a taste of hair-of-the-dog.
Kokomo, Howard Co, In. Deputy Matt Roberson and Major Steve Rogers are my kind of detectives, tenacious and technically savvy. They were after drug fugitive Alfred Hightower, who U.S. Marshals believed fled the country.
Hightower might change his appearance or change his address, but he didn’t change his habits. Deputy Roberson figured out Hightower liked playing an on-line game called World of Warcraft, operated by Blizzard Entertainment in California.
With Blizzard’s help, an IP address and Google Earth, Deputy Roberson tracked down his man in Ottawa, Canada. Good game, man!
D.B. Cooper is Alive and WellLa Paz, Bolivia Police seek the murderer of a taxi driver. Along with exciting, heart-pounding music, authorities released to the public this sketch of the suspect, presumably drawn by police artist Randall Munroe.
Moscow, Russia Julia Popova, 22, a Russian mugging victim, knows what it’s like to get stabbed in the back. Either she’s one tough broad, or adrenalin prevented her from feeling the pain.
There could be a Russian relations metaphor here, but I’m not certain what it is.
Stockholm, Sweden Swedish ballistic experts finally concluded a husband did not murder his wife. Apparently an unnamed moose committed the dastardly deed.
Police have not revealed if the husband hired the moose to perform the hit.
Guisborough, North Yorkshire, UK Warning: This is not intended to be humorous. It’s stomach-wrenching.
In this shocking story, radio talk host Graham Mack invited listeners to phone in with the most unusual things people had eaten. Listener Anthea Harrison phoned in admitting she’d eaten… little children. This occurred when she very young living in Mufulira, Zambia.
Is it just me, or does the caller seem just a bit too cheerful?
Atlanta, Ga. Finally, a serious warning from the Center for Disease Control not to respond to eMails touting the CDC sponsored State Vaccination Program. This is part of a phishing scam designed to trick you out of personal information. As with any government agency or financial concern, you should not respond to any eMail you didn’t initiate. Vaccination programs may be legitimate, but the scam eMails are not.
Thanks, Leigh, for sharing tales of bestiality and cannibalism with us to celebrate Superbowl Sunday. Uh, are you sure your diagnosis is A.D.D.?
Sarah Palin jumped opposing forces with shock and awe by ‘shooting down’ her own mooses…then ate them. The Moose-Hit forces are still trying. I suppose it’s no mystery why she’s into tea now.
I don’t care anything about the Super Bowl so I loved the article.
And I was eating pizza while reading.
I love that “police sketch”. I was eating at the time…
In a follow-up to the lead story, it turns out an off-duty San Diego police officer, frustrated the Chargers were losing, annoyed to be sitting near the Jets’ fan, and possibly with a few beers in him, sent a text message to other cops that a drunk Jets fan was causing a disturbance. Four uniformed cops swarmed the Jets fan and handcuffed him, dragged him from the stadium and tossed him in jail where he spent the next 15 hours, missing the Jets’ victory.
The New York Post reports the victim was charged with drunkenness and resisting arrest. Police refused to give him a breathalyzer.
San Diego Assistant Police Chief Robert Kanaski defended the arrest by saying, “We don’t arrest people for cheering for their teams.” Well, not if they’re Charger fans.