Wednesday, May 26: Tune It Or Die!
THE ENDs
by Rob Lopresti
We who blabber regularly about writing often talk about how to start a book, or a story. And so we often give examples of great beginnings. Endings are important, too, but we are less likely to discuss endings – especially of mysteries. You know why. There’s a great taboo against revealing how a mystery ends.
But we at Criminal Brief are fearless and bow to no so-called rules and taboos. So brace yourself, because I’m about to bust the rules wide open. Ready? Here goes.
The endings of twenty great mysteries
- The statue was a fake.
- The doctor killed his patient.
- The head of the FBI comes to visit, but isn’t allowed in.
- The child is returned to her mother.
- The older cop asks the younger cop for spiritual advice.
- The hero reluctantly agrees to play golf with his sidekick.
- The hero leaves New York for Los Angeles.
- The hero prevents time travel from being invented. (Yes, it is a mystery.)
- The villain drowns in the mire.
- The villain is shot by the police and dies crawling forward, as if to attack his enemy one last time.
- The swindled thieves make a deal with their client’s enemy.
- The client’s wife comes home.
- The spies tried to squash the rumor that there was a mole in their midst to protect the enemy spy who was working for them, but there really was a mole in their midst.
- The femme fatale shoots a cop and the police shoot her dead.
- A policeman shoots the narrator dead.
- The detective frames the killer for what was actually a suicide.
- The judge did it.
- The detective did it.
- The client’s evil twin did it.
- All the suspects did it.
- Raskolnikov did it.
Answers
Rob — I got some of ’em! . . . But not many.
I’m not very good at this, either, John. I only got five, which I emailed to Rob, who patted me on the head and told me they were correct. But he mentioned something else, too, something I found very interesting. I won’t say what it was, but everybody should count the number of clues listed and compare it with the heading.
There are 21. I’m at a loss. If there were 30, that would be “The End.” Can’t think of something where 21 signifies an ending. Oh, and does the time-travel clue involve a detective named Dirk? (I’m asking gently, I just started reading it last night!)
The five I did get were:
The statue was a fake.
The doctor killed his patient.
The villain drowns in the mire.
All the suspects did it.
Raskolnikov did it.
Oh, what fun!
Here’s what I think I got:
The statue was a fake.
The head of the FBI comes to visit, but isn’t allowed in.
The detective did it.
All the suspects did it.
Raskolnikov did it.
Are you going to give us solutions, Rob?
I’d be happy to give you the answers, but I don’t want to genuinely spoil anything for anyone. So… here’s a few possibilities. I could email the list to anyone who emails me at lopresti(at)nas.com. OR I could put up the titles in the comments section in alphabetical order and leave you to figure out which is which. OR I could just put the answers up here and let discretion be damned. Opinions?
And, as is probably obvious, some of them have several answers (even by the same author).
You can find the answers neatly and laboriously typed out on this page.
Rob –
I didn’t get any – but shouldn’t that be ‘STRONGHOLD’ by Stanley Ellin?
No, I lie, I got ‘Killing Time’, and ‘Tinker, Tailor’, although to say that the Circus refuses to accept the fact of Gerald to protect Merlin is to simplify a bit.
The rest, except for C&P, gave me an awful time. Just awful. But thanks anyway.
Neil
Neil, you are right. I will get the page corrected to Stronghold. Thanks to Leigh for putting the pages up, by the way.
Yes, I had to simplify the plot of Tinker Tailor and it is STILL twice as long as any other ending on the list. I once watched the six hour TV version with some friends and they never did understand what was going on.
Those…those…slavedrivers at CB HQ!
No chipped or broken nails, sweetie?
They act like it was 1939 around here and make me use a manual typewriter. Their idea of a backup is carbon paper.
The good news is my candlestick phone works better than AT&T and Verizon put together– and I do love a smooth operator.