WHEN REAL BAD GUYS TALK

by Deborah Elliott-Upton

“I didn’t want to hurt them. I only wanted to kill them.” – David Berkowitz a.k.a. The Son of Sam.

I occasionally set up shop in my favorite easy chair with a cup of coffee (or a cooler beverage during the summer months) and read bits and pieces of Criminal Quotes edited by Andrew Chesler and H. Amanda Robb.

It’s one of those kind of books – ones not meant really to be read straight through in a single sitting. Or at least, I never have. I’m not sure I could ingest that much evil without feeling nauseous.

The co-authors also wrote The Encyclopedia of American Family Names, are married to each other, and promise profusely in the introduction that they really are nice, normal, decent people – and their friends and family agree – even if they compiled such an evil grouping of quotes and especially since they enjoyed finding each and every fascinating quote “spewing from bad guys’ mouths.”

The subtitle of this book is “The 1,001 Most Bizarre Things Ever Said by History’s Outlaws, Gangsters, Despots and Other Evil-doers.” How can any mystery lover not be intrigued?

The words between the covers are not nice and the quotes not always G rated. However, if you are interested in the personalities of people who actually perpetrate some of the most insidious crimes, this could be your next purchase.

“Tonight I tried to kill myself but Sonja put herself between my knife and my throat.” –Mohammed Abdullah a.k.a. Joseph Howk, Jr.

Since I don’t think I know that many people who would actually carry out a murder plan or robbery or arson, I use these real people’s words as a stepping off point for my characters. I can’t say I don’t know people who plan any of these crimes, because several of them are on the masthead of this forum. We just don’t do it in real life. Thank goodness. I don’t have it in me to do prison time and doubt our gang at Criminal Brief does either.

“Why could not mother die? Dozens of people, thousands of people are dying every day. So why not mother and father, too?” – written in the diary of 16-year-old Pauline Parker, who wanted to be alone with her 15-year-old girlfriend. Obviously, her parents didn’t approve.

Some of the quotes may be familiar from news accounts and others from movies. All are interesting insights to the criminal mind – or as close as I want to get.

When the judge sentenced Billy the Kid “to hang until you are dead, dead, dead!”, Billy yelled, “And you can go to hell, hell, hell!”

“We don’t rob Southerners, especially Confederate soldiers. But Yankees and detectives are not exempt.” – Jesse James.

I doubt the real murderer was quite as handsome as Burt Lancaster in the film made about him, but when I read this quote, I recognize the storyteller’s embellishment of the truth. We could almost believe it could have happened just as he said. Almost.

“The guard took sick and died all of a sudden. He died of heart trouble. I guess you would call it a puncture of the heart.” – The Bird Man of Alcatraz relaying to another convict his rendition after he killed a prison guard.

Reading a criminal’s words could be considered a guilty pleasure or maybe just a writer’s research. Hopefully, none of our words will be included if the authors write a sequel.