A BANDERSNATCH ON THE ROAD

by Steven Steinbock

I know it sounds dirty.

In fact, in one of Ed McBain’s last novels – titled The Frumious Bandersnatch – there was this beautiful piece of dialogue between two characters, Jefferson and Loomis, about the title of pop diva Tamar Valparaiso’s new album, “Bandersnatch.” McBain’s dialogue was always some of the crispest out there. In a short exchange, he could establish characters like it was nobody’s business and have the reader rolling in laughter all the while.

I’d like to reprint some of that dialogue here, but I’m afraid I can’t find a single paragraph that would make it past the censors. (We at Criminal Brief don’t really have a censor, but your humble Friday columnist is too abashed and self conscious to type that sort of dialogue for all the world to see.)

If you want to see the dialogue I’m referring to, pick up your copy of The Frumious Bandersnatch and turn to page 7 or so and look for the section that begins: “A hit video is all about screwing.” And take it from there.

What? You don’t have a copy of The Frumious Bandersnatch? Well, get one for crying out loud. It may not have been one of the Master’s best books, but it was pretty darn good. For that token, pick up any Ed McBain novel, whether it’s an “87th Precinct” story or not. (Actually as much as I adore Steve Carella and the boys of the 87th, the McBain novel that had me almost peeing my pants the most was Downtown, a non-series book that reminded me of Neil Simon’s “The Out-of-Towners”).

All of this is a roundabout introduction to the first column I’m writing on the road. None of my adventures have come close to those of Jack Lemmon’s character in “The Out-of-Towners” – or Steve Martin’s character in the remake. Or the lead character of McBain’s Downtown, whose name I can’t recall, for that matter. I left my home in Maine two weeks ago, and have been in the Seattle area visiting family, hiking in the Snoqualmie National Forest, attending a high school reunion, and being a
guest faculty member at a youth summer camp. But looking at my introduction, I think that’s all I have space for this week.

Stay tuned for more adventures in the road with Bandersnatches.