PROFESSIONAL POISE

by Leigh Lundin

I met a number of special people at my first MWA conference: James, Janet Hutchings, Linda Landrigan, Otto Penzler, Ed Hoch, Doug Allyn, and a host of others. At the cocktail party, one of the characters was Fran Rizer, an ex-teacher who faced the retirement choice of moving to Florida or writing novels. She chose novels.

I’m amazed by swift writers and Fran released three novels in thirteen months. So much for retirement. Most impressive, she has fan clubs, among the most recent a library group. After a prolific start, publishing came to a halt until her fourth novel arrived last week. Fran chose Criminal Brief to tell fans why.

A word of warning: A CB reader recently told me Sunday readers expect a slyly skewed view of the world and off-beat sense of humor. That’s true, but I’m also compassionate and you’ll need every ounce of compassion for Fran’s article. You’ll see what I mean as I introduce you to …

Fran Rizer

Fran’s FAQs of Life and Death

by Fran Rizer

I asked Leigh what to write about for CriminalBrief. “Crime or writing, something of interest to Criminal Brief fans,” he answered.

Writing? The main thing I remember about Moby Dick is that it’s a book, not an STD. After college, I learned fewer than fifty copies of that now world-wide classic sold during Herman Melville’s lifetime. 

I wrote the opening paragraph above, then got lost choosing a specific topic. I began to think about questions I’m frequently asked.

What inspired you to begin writing after retiring? 

The final day of my twenty-five years of teaching, one of my fifth-grade students, stopped at the door and said, “Ms. Rizer, you said you might write a book after you retire. I want to tell you the same thing you always say to us.” She paused. “Don’t give up.”

“Thank you, Kim,” I answered.

“I mean it,” she said. “Did you know Dr. Seuss was turned down by twenty-eight publishers?”

“Where did you learn that?”

“On television.”

I smiled, pleased at least one of my students watched educational programs.

“What show?” I asked.

“MTV,” she said and walked to the big yellow school bus that took her out of my life.

How did you decide to write murder mysteries?

My favorite reads were always mysteries, so I decided to kill people— on paper. Considering students I’d taught in elementary school were not yet out of high school, I chose to write what I thought was a cozy. My rules: no cussing, no overt sex, no dead pets— only two deaths per book and neither could be a child or elderly lady.

I’d read that the main character should have an unusual occupation. My first thought was a funeral home, but I didn’t want to deal with detailed descriptions of embalming. 

Sitting at my laptop, the duties of a cosmetician jumped to my mind— making the decedent attractive for a final visit with loved ones. With that, I quit thinking and got cracking or, in this case, writing. 

Callie Parrish, born Calamine Lotion Parrish thirty-two years earlier in her small hometown on the coast of South Carolina, jumped to life on my computer screen. The youngest child and only daughter of six children reared by her Larry-the-Cable-Guy-type dad, Callie made two important life decisions when she graduated from the University of South Carolina in Columbia— she married and became a teacher.

After a few years, Callie had enough of both. She divorced her husband and returned to her home town. She gave up teaching kindergarten because she grew tired of five-year-olds who wouldn’t lie still and be quiet during naptime. Using the cosmetology license she’d earned through voc-ed in high school, Callie began working at Middleton’s Mortuary where her clients lie still, are always quiet, and don’t have to tee-tee every five minutes. 

I finished the first Callie book in 2007. The thought of seeking an agent and publisher was daunting. My friend Linda reminded me the folks at the Grand Ole Opry told Elvis Presley he should go back to driving a truck in Memphis. Decca Records turned down the Beatles because, “Guitar groups are on their way out.” The Rolling Stones were cautioned they’d never get anywhere unless they replaced Mick Jagger with a better looking singer.

I was fortunate enough to strike pay dirt with a great New York agent, who led me to a three-book contract with Berkley Prime Crime.

A Tisket, a Tasket, a Fancy Stolen Casket was released 25 September 2007. Hey, Diddle, Diddle, the Corpse and the Fiddle came out 4 March 2008, and Casket Case on 7 October 2008.

Linda Derrick

You mention Linda?

One of my closest life-long friends and neighbors has been Linda Derrick. She’s a wonderful person who always had a smile and the greatest laugh I’ve ever heard. We’d go to the Waffle House and talk about what I was writing and what I planned to write.

Linda organized Callie’s first fan club when my first book was published. In October 2008, I arrived at Barnes & Noble in a chauffeured Corvette to sign the new book. Linda and my first fans met me wearing black dresses and sequined funeral veils, carrying “We love Callie” signs.

My goal is to give readers chuckles and a few belly laughs and we thought those sequined funeral veils were hilarious! We had a wonderful time and BN sold out my books. 

You published three books in just over a year, then went two years before the next book. Why?

I never believed in ‘writer’s block’. My credo was, “Just put your tush in the chair and write.”

But life changed.

Linda retired from her state job in November 2008. She had great plans for the coming year including traveling with our friend Lucy and me to signings, readings, and book talks. 

The fourth Callie book was half-written by the beginning of 2009. That book— Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, There’s a Body in the Car— was released 3 January 2011, twenty-five months after the third.

Why the long wait?  Did you have Writer’s Block?

Gentle readers, there’s no easy way to say this.

On the last day of January 2009, Linda, my neighbor, my confidante, my friend since childhood, was murdered during a home invasion.

* * *

I could no longer sit at the computer, kill people, and create fun at funeral homes. When I sat to write, I pulled up photos of that signing with Linda and all the sweet fans in their black veils and widow’s weeds at Barnes & Noble. When I helped Linda’s daughter prepare her house for sale, we found a big bag full of new black sequined funeral veils. Linda was an optimistic lady!

In the middle of 2010, I tried to write again. At first, it was agonizing because I constantly wanted to pick up the phone to tell Linda what Callie was doing.

I recalled Linda’s words about Elvis and the Beatles— not that I expect to ever reach anywhere near their levels of accomplishments. (But I am as pretty as Mick Jagger.) I remembered Kim telling me, “Don’t give up.”

Never give up.

The fourth Callie Parrish mystery was released 3 January 2011 by Bella Rosa Books. It’s available through Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and other major bookstores. At the beginning of the book is a page that reads, “Dedicated to the memory of Linda C. Derrick, 1946–2009.”

That’s the rest of the story.

Fran and Fans