Wednesday, May 4: Tune It Or Die!
DEFINE YOUR TERMS
by Rob Lopresti
Last time I tried to write this piece I wound up with this one instead. Second time’s a charm, I hope.
I’m not trying to replace Noah Webster, but I do love a certain type of definition: a witty or at least pithy one. I collect those related to our field. Feel free to suggest more, your own or others.
Blockbuster. A category crime novel – usually forty thousand words too fat – breaking for the big money. —Donald E. Westlake.
Cozy: A novel in which people get killed, but nobody gets hurt. —Unknown.
Gothic: A story about a girl who gets a house. —Donald E. Westlake
Noir: Life is hard; then you die. —Anonymous.
Noir: I’m Irish. Noir is our baseline. —Twist Phelan
Thriller: If it doesn’t thrill, it’s not a thriller. —David Morrell
Comparisons are odious
Hardboiled = Tough. Noir = Screwed. —Jack Bludis
Hard-boiled is about tough guys who win. Noir is about tough guys who lose. —Terrill Lee Lankford
In a mystery a hero chases an unknown bad guy. In suspense, a bad guy, usually known, chases a hero. —Lorrie B. Potters.
Suspense is personal; thriller is global. —Steve Steinbock
Thriller is a verb. Suspense is a noun. —The Old Man (James Allen?)
Traditional mystery = Whodunit. Locked room mystery = Howdunit. Psychological mystery = Whydunit. Paranormal mystery = Whatdunit. —Lorrie B. Potters
Gothic: A story about a girl who gets a house. —Donald E. Westlake
LOVED this! Great article!
Police procedural: Howproveit.
I thought about wheredunits and whendunits. Like locked-room and psychs, they all seem to reduce to who.
The grandmaster of definitional wit was, of course, Ambrose “The Devil’s Dictionary” Bierce. An attempt at a DD-style definition:
Mystery, n. A Work of fiction in which everybody but the criminal and the detective is an idiot. Such books are unrealistic in that they underestimate the population of idiots by two.
I once did a column featuring H. L. Mencken’s imitation of Bierce, interlineated with emendations of my own, which unfortunately devolved into an argument between Mike Tooney and me over illegal immigration — but I consciously picked Johnson to illustrate Rob’s article because he was the originator of the witty definition, e.g., “OATS: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.”
I loved this piece. I was actually present when Lee Lankford first gave his distinction between hard-boiled and noir.
I used to think of the Columbo TV series as howcatchems. We knew from the first scene whodunit.
Great column!
Great psot and you did unmuddy the water for me on some of these.