Saturday, August 13: Mississippi Mud
FUN AND NAMES
by John M. Floyd
Tom and Ray Magliotti of NPR’s Car Talk
These days we all do a lot of driving, to work or play, and almost everyone listens to music or books-on-tape or radio news programs somewhere along the way. As for myself, my wife has converted me to National Public Radio. Some of their broadcasts I enjoy more than others, but one of my favorites is Car Talk—a delightful hour-long discussion of everything from callers’ automotive questions to math puzzles and brain teasers—and it’s especially appropriate for me, because I listen to it only on my car radio.
One of the best things about the program is its humor. The hosts, two brothers from the Boston area who have an engineering background, are—besides being smart—funnier than most professional comedians. One of the highlights, to me, is that at the end of every broadcast they list the names of certain members of their office staff.
The following names are some of those I either remember from hearing them mentioned on the air or seeing them on the Car Talk web site. (It’s a long list, but I simply love this kind of craziness, and I admire the wit that’s required to create it.) Since you’re reading this blog I assume you know how much we at CB enjoy words and wordplay—we have to, since we’re all writers—and I hope you’ll appreciate these names as much as I do.
NOTE: I didn’t list the staff positions these strange folks occupy—but you can probably guess some of them. Examples: the first one I’ve listed below is “Chief Accountant” and the second is “Airline Seat Tester.”
Candace B. Rittenoff
Wilma Butfit
Saul Wellingood
Amanda Livering Cole
Nadia Belimi
Joaquin Matilda
Natasha D’Merchandise
Orson Buggy
Amadeus O. Earley
Veronica Lizzioncourse
Vera Lee Isay
Odessa Paige Turner
Eureka Garlic
Erasmus B. Dragon
Ben Thayer and Don Thatt
C. Colin Backslash
Eileen Tudor-Wright
Evan Elpus
Heronimus B. Blind
Isaiah Lilprair
Haywood Jabuzoff
Donatella Nobatti
U. Lyon Sack
Tony von Thinkett
Ella Fynoe
Heidi Ductible
Ian Bobby McGee
Oscar Lavista
Hugh Don Wannano
Sosumi Areti
Phil Mataleven
Hannah Mia Cannatuna
Anita Degroin
Wanda Y. Datso
Frank Lee Scarlett
Trudy Door and Donna Hall
Howard M. Burgers
Theresa Crowd
Lotta B. Essen
Ivan Inkling
Avery Haffenauer
Marge Innovera
Sasha Royal Payne-Diaz
Roxanne Debris
Don B. Zonozi
Hugh Sherlock Familia
I can relate especially to their Cruise Activity Planner: Eton Doolittle.
A word of caution: if you’re a fellow writer, try not to give any of your characters a name that’s unintentionally funny, like Art Majors or Max Stout or Jim Shortz. That can happen, now and then.
I’ve been told that I am easily entertained, and sure enough, hearing some of these staffers’ names made me laugh out loud. (At least my reaction didn’t bother anybody; I was alone in my car at the time.) And seriously, if you’ve not listened to Car Talk, I hope you’ll tune ’em in.
Do the rest of you wordlovers like this kind of nonsense? Or are you just Gladys Overwith?
I love this kind of word play as does my grandson whose favorite until this list has been Ophelia Rump. During elementary school, I had a classmate named Paul Rainwater UNTIL someone saw the roll and discovered his name was Ian Paul. Thus Paul became I. P. Rainwater throughout the upper grades.
Saw Crash and enjoyed it, liked it, saw what makes it great.
Love the story about Paul Rainwater. And naming a kid Ophelia is always risky.
Glad to hear you liked Crash.
Helena Handbasket, Ivy Drip, Ben Dover.
I’m sure you know the old sign in diners: Our credit manager is Miss Helen Waite. If ou want credit go to Helen Waite…
I enjoy Car Talk. Ray is an amazing diagnostician and Tommy’s laugh is what puts the whole thing over.
My favorite show on NPR, though, is Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, especially when Paula Poundstone is on. And I like Wiretap, which is actually from CBC.
Elizabeth, I’m familiar with that first lady you mentioned; our government seems to be going to her these days.
Rob, I think both the Car Talk guys are great diagnosticians. It’s incredible how much I’ve learned from listening to them, these past few years.
(By the way, any complaints about this column should be sent to Noah Vale.)
I think Car Talk mentioned an Iraqui branch of their outfit headed by a Mustafa Rebate…And in our real world, every few Decembers our local paper interviews a lady whose married name is “Mary Christmas…”
I do enjoy Car Talk from the town where it’s impossible to park or drive.
The worst real name I ever heard came from a prominent Texas political family: Ima Hogg
Jeff, I can understand having a weird or funny name if it was acquired via marriage. I hope that’s what happened with Ima Hogg — I’d hate to think her parents came up with that one.
John, if I remember my grandmother correctly, Ima Hogg was her given name and she more than overcame it. Here’s her bio:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ima_Hogg
The worst real name I ever heard came from a prominent Texas political family: Ima Hogg
While this statement in a strict sense is true, it is very misleading. In Texas, she is known as “Miss Ima”, and the name is pronounced “EE-ma”, not “AYE-ma”. She was a profound patron of the arts and as beloved a figure as, say, Ladybird Johnson, her closest rival for respect regarding her contributions to the welfare of the citizens of Texas. Her father, James Hogg, as Governor was perhaps the greatest political reformer in Texas history.
“EE-ma” might not be my first choice of a name, but in this case it sure sounds better than “AYE-ma.” When paired with Hogg, I suppose first names are limited anyway. At least it wasn’t “Lotta.”
Married names are another story entirely. I knew a lady named Mary Street who married a guy named Walker, which made for an interesting combination. And I love the old stupid joke, What if Stevie Wonder married Howard Hughes, divorced him, and married Henry Kissinger? Answer: He’d be Wonder Hughes Kissinger now.
owwwwwwwwwww!
Sorry. No excuse.