Sunday, August 21: The A.D.D. Detective
FLORIDA CRIME NEWS
by Leigh Lundin
Naturally my home state, the only state with its own Fark tag, has to outdo the competition in weirdness. Consider this weathercast– some of us are so embarrassed we don’t admit we live here. (tch, tch, alisa, don’t go there.)
Who amongst us hasn’t forgotten a wedding or two? Who amongst us has forgotten our own? While still married? Okay, my good friend John Hyde managed to forget he still had a wife when he remarried and so did this Vero Beach man whose second wife is divorcing him, the ingrate!
It’s not unusual for cruise ships to drop anchor, but it’s very unusual when a drunk passenger drops anchor when the ship is under way (and under weigh). That could cost him 20 years and a quarter of a million dollars.
Around 1890, socialite Ward McAllister published a list dubbed ‘The 400‘, the so-called crème de la crème of New York society, supposedly the number that fit comfortably in Mrs. Caroline Astor’s ballroom. An Alachua County couple settled on 700… cats. That rubbed the county the wrong way: It’s 600 more than the county allows and 698 more than common sense dictates. Guinness will make the award as soon as they get past the stench.
For a moment I thought I read ‘near-naked choke,’ which was bad enough. A 63-year-old Boynton Beach husband kicked a robber’s butt using a ‘rear-naked choke‘. The name alone terrified the crook.
Nevin Shapiro bilked investors nearly a billion dollars in a Ponzi scheme, then used much of those funds to illegally boost his favorite college team, the University of Miami Hurricanes. He funded prostitutes, gold jewelry, nightclubs, entertainment, abortions, and bounties for injuring players on opposing teams. After his arrest, many of the beneficiaries of Shapiro’s largesse stepped away from the plate, so now he’s telling all and it’s not a pretty tale.
And Around the Nation…
It’s true peculiar crimes happen elsewhere, just not in quality or quantity compared to Florida.
It’s not often a guy faces life in prison for buying seafood. It’s also not often a guy contemplates killing his wife with seafood, as did an Illinois man who pled guilty to buying quantities of pufferfish tetrodotoxin, with an eye on his wife’s $20-million insurance policy. He faces possible life in prison.
This story has everything. Action: gunplay during high-speed chases. Romance: prison pen-pal marriage. Crime: bank robberies. Escape: car-jack, prison escape. Stupidity: can’t drive a stick-shift.
A New Jersey goil was arrested for peddling her muffins at the local Dunkin’ Donuts in an operation called Extra Sugar. Cops… doughnuts… that’s just asking for trouble.
Homicide Victims Rarely Speak Up
And finally, the Orlando Sentinel attributes the following article to the Easton, Pennsylvania Express-Times:
“Goil” is Brooklynese. Manhattanites are so provincial they can’t tell Brooklyn from NJ, and people get their impressions from what Manhattanites write/say. The only place you will hear “New Joisey” in New Jersey, maybe, is Hudson County (Jersey City). In the rest of the state we say “New Churzey.”
Rob
The “rear-naked choke” or the “blood choke”!Of course, that’s what Jack Bauer sometimes does to the bad guys on 24! I was wondering whether you could really render a person unconscious in a matter of seconds just by putting an arm around his neck and applying pressure. Apparently you can. Interesting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rear_naked_choke
And here I was hoping for a ‘near-naked bloke.’ (sigh)
‘Bonnie and Clod’ (laughing)
Good point, Rob. Most of the people from Jersey City I knew were from Pennsylvania.
Yoshinori, it seems if you can shut off the blood supply in the neck, it affects people with brains. Those without– not so much.
ABA, you probably could find one or two of those in Florida, possibly in the commission of a weird crime.
Now that I’ve read it in a newspaper, I really believe dead people don’t talk.
I thought my Vols were bad actors for violating NCAA rules, especially the former basketball coach, but no university as far as I know has come close to violating the rules as seriously as has Miami.
(me….not saying a word)
LOL!!! There are You Tube clips of blushworthy moments off t.v. weathercasts. And the headline made my day!
I live about 45 minutes away from Easton and I think it might be worth the drive to hear what the ones that DID talk had to say since its such a rare occasion. Hummm, does this change the old saying too “Dead men rarely tell tales”?
Cindy, that makes an even better headline!
Jeff, when I lived in Boston, they had a radio hippie-dippy weatherman He had a knack for enlivening that repressed city!
I know what you’re thinking’, alisa!
Louis, Miami’s football and basketball violations are truly egregious. I risk lynching to suggest they deserve suspension.
Leigh, what would you say are the main differences between Miami and Orlando? If somebody can’t decide whether to move to Miami or Orlando, what would you advise them?
Josh, I recommend Miami Beach, especially South Beach, if you have money. I don’t know Miami proper (or improper) nearly as well.
At one point, I came close to living on a sailboat.
Parts of Lauderdale are nice. My friend Claire loves Amelia Island on the northeast coast while Sharon prefers Marco Island on the southeast. My cousin John likes Key West. Sarasota has gorgeous beaches with the finest talcum powder sand.
The small towns that dot Florida are usually more comfortable than cities, but that’s often true of any place. But, no matter where you live, something’s in Florida water that drives people ’round the bend.
Hmmm, just researching for a story, but you are right, few celebrities seem to live full-time in Miami or Orlando. I understand Steven Spielberg has a home in Naples, Stephen King has a summer home in Sarasota, Maria Sharapova has a home in Bradenton, Tiger Woods and Celine Dion have a home on Jupiter Island, and John Travolta has a home in Ocala. Wish I were that rich, though!
I didn’t mean Tiger Woods and Celine Dion have a home together, of course (that’ll be the day), I meant they each have a house on Jupiter Island.
I believe Tiger Woods’ main home is here in Orange County a few minutes southwest of Orlando in Windermere, the one where he wrecked his SUV I think. OJ Simpson keeps a house there as well.