We expected Melodie back this week in time for her column, but alas, it was not meant to be. Hopefully things will settle enough for her to rejoin us next week, but for now she’s had to extend her leave of absence. So in her place, here’s some poetry by Rob. At least I think it’s poetry. No matter how bad things are, they could always be verse.

—JLW

FIVE VERY SHORT STORIES

by Rob Lopresti

Rhyme and rhythm included at no extra charge…

Road rage

A driver outside Narragansett
Was murdered for talking in transit.
His steering while phoning
Had passersby moaning
And one had a gun. So don’t chance it.

Economies of scale

A bank-robbing gent in Saint Paul
Could not turn a profit at all.
While camera and guard
Made big ones too hard
His son’s piggy one was too small.

Fatal error

A software designer felt cheated
So when her boss begged and entreated
For free overtime
She programmed a crime.
Both he and his files were deleted.

Sweeps week

The talk show was rude and provoking.
The host could be crude with his joking.
He laughed at one guest
Who to murder confessed.
When cops came the gun was still smoking.

Burned out

A dry goods supplier named Carson
Had hoped to retire through arson
But soon his small fire
Grew hotter and higher.
Now please cue the choir and parson.