DREAMS, FEARS AND LIFE IN GENERAL

by Deborah Elliott-Upton

“Perhaps life is just that . . . a dream and a fear.”—Joseph Conrad, Under Western Skies

On the road again to head up a seminar in Oklahoma City, I allowed my mind to wander as it usually does while I’m driving. I imagine the unaltered landscape between cities and how it might have looked to those first crossing the plains. The Native Americans chasing wild horses and hunting buffalo. I imagine the hardships for the settlers and how the Cherokee’s lives were changed forever by the white man’s presence. In other words, I started researching a story I didn’t know I would ever write. Perhaps Louis L’Amour is smiling—or maybe he’s grimacing. We won’t know until the story is finished. That’s part of the excitement about trying something new and different. It’s also a little scary going somewhere I haven’t been before.

Oklahoma City’s famous for its red hills, oil wells, and stockyards. It’s also known as the city created in a single day following “The Oklahoma Land Run” on April 22, 1889 where 10,000 homesteaders settled into what is now downtown Oklahoma City. Now we also remember the capital of Oklahoma for the April 19, 1995 bombing of the Murrah Building. After the bombing, America was scared—something we’d not been used to. The 1984 film, “Red Dawn,” (written by John Milius and Kevin Reynolds) explored the what-if idea of the United States being attacked on its own soil. Although the movie was thought-provoking and well-made, we didn’t think about it for long. Americans didn’t really believe this could happen—until it did. I do recommend watching “Red Dawn” again as all the elements for a good story are included.

“The only way to get rid of my fears is to make films about them.” —Alfred Hitchcock

During the drive to my neighboring state, I considered what it must have been like to load up everything you own and move somewhere you’d never been and not be certain what you may find. Certainly, those settlers had a dream and I’m sure many were fearful, too.

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”—Mary Manin Morrissey

New writers (and some not-so-new to writing) embark on the idea of writing as fulfilling a lifelong dream, something they’ve put off until they retire or maybe when the kids go to school or when they find some free time. I tell my students there will never be any free time unless you make it happen.

What are we waiting for?

I hope it’s not the Muse. Like a spoiled child, she doesn’t show up when expected and hardly ever behaves as she should. Don’t wait for the Muse.

Free Time is as elusive as the Muse. It’s never where you imagined and if you search for it too long, it disappears like a mirage. Time is never a given, nor a promise, but a hope. Don’t wait for the time to be right.

Waiting for someone to give permission? Tsk, tsk. The only one who can give permission is you. Have you been stingy and not allowing yourself to pursue a passion? Even if your dream is considered a hobby by others, to you life’s playtime should always be a rewarding experience. My mother calls me frequently and it seems usually when I’m writing. She asks what I’m doing. When I do answer, “Writing,” she inevitably replies with one word, “Still?” Perhaps she thought once I was published I’d be done with this particular dream, but mine was a bigger dream than that.

For a short time when my children were small, we lived in Oklahoma City. Although I enjoyed the “extras” a major metroplex offered—like big recording stars actually appearing for concerts within the city, great restaurants and universities—I missed the smaller-city feel of seeing someone you knew practically on every corner. (Of course, this makes no sense. I absolutely love New York City for the reason that I feel completely anonymous and that is a bit freeing to the soul sometimes.) Still, there is a fear derived from living in a place where you don’t know anyone either. I can’t explain my rationalization. I’m not even sure fear requires a reason. I just know Dreams trump Fears every day. You just have to be willing to try.