Thursday, September 18: Femme Fatale
SENSES AND SETTINGS AND REALITY, OH MY!
by Deborah Elliott-Upton
Right now my mind is busily steeped in details. My daughter is being married in May and while we’ve already been planning for months, there is still much to do before the Big Day. In researching what is traditional, expected and new, my daughter reads various bridal message boards religiously and hopefully, as you are reading Criminal Brief. My daughter reports though many people do comment on the bridal message boards, she is sure most readers are like her, referred in cyberspace as “lurkers” who never post a word.
I associate lurkers with readers who do not necessarily attend book signings, write letters to the editor (even though they most certainly do have an opinion to share) or think anyone even cares about their opinions.
Oh, but we do.
What if they don’t agree with us? Personally, I enjoy debates and look forward to the presidential and vice-presidential nominees’ verbal sparring. I remember an acquaintance who prefaced every statement with “John1 thinks blah, blah, blah.” Finally, one day, I had a mini-meltdown and asked her, “You keep telling us what John thinks, but what do you think?” She didn’t have an answer for that, which I thought was very sad indeed.
If someone doesn’t agree with me, I will listen to his reasoning. That isn’t saying I will agree with him in the end, but I will listen. Of course, in return, I expect him to listen to my ideas, too. And if he doesn’t agree with me then, I am perfectly happy to let it go. — Please note I am not saying I have always been like this. This shifting of not having to be right all the time has happened slowly over the last decade. Maybe I’m finally growing up. 
— In addition to living a more peaceful existence, I have garnered a wealth of experience of arguing with different personality types, sexes and ages to help sculpt believable characters who don’t agree for my stories. I am most pleased to all those who have added to my cache.
It’s nice when people agree with us, too. This week, I received a very nice e-mail, that had these words added as a post script:
This gives me an opportunity to say I enjoyed your story in last year’s Toys for Tots anthology,2 which I just finished reading — EXCEPT for the fact that the agony of the guy chewing tobacco who couldn’t spit made me gag! What realism. I pictured you chewing away to be able to write this so realistically. Oh, excuse me … choke, ugh, gaaaack! Anyway, (urk) thanks for a great story!
In actuality, I have never once chewed tobacco, but I do know some people who have and I made a point of watching them and asking questions about the taste, feel, etc. I did try a cigarette a couple of times as a teenager, but I didn’t like the taste it left in my mouth – and no, I didn’t inhale. When I wrote about an overworked waitress who chain-smoked, one of my fellow writers – a smoker herself – asked how long I’d smoked and how I managed to quit. I took it as a compliment that my writing had been believable to someone who knew what it was like to be a chain-smoker.
I’m reminded of a friend who says, “I don’t need a thank you card, I’m just pleased you liked the gift.”
Humbug. While no one may need an official thank you, we all — even the most shy of us — appreciate receiving one.
Realistic touches within stories add more than just word count. This journey through the senses provides a dimensional vehicle for a mind trip through another’s fantasy of story. When we read words that make us feel a taste in our mouths (even if it is a yucky taste), then the author has done his job. When your mind visualizes a setting — particularly to somewhere we’ve not been — it’s exhilarating.
I’ve never been on another planet, scuba-dived in an ocean, or time-traveled through the Middle Ages, but I have lived adventures on Mars, swum along the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, and fought alongside the Knights of the Round Table thanks to some fabulous writers.
Consider this an official thank you from me — and perhaps a few of you lurkers out there who are nodding your head in agreement — to the writers who share precise and detailed senses, setting and realities of life, whether they are really true or not.
P.S. — Just a tidbit of trivia about weddings. If you’ve ever wondered how the brides come up with their color schemes, my daughter has devised whatever colors are being touted as the “in” colors for bathrooms and bedrooms at the time are what most brides are choosing. Currently, the trend is blue and brown for the wedding — check the bed and bath section of your favorite decorating magazine. Agree or disagree? Let us know. We’ll take a poll. It sort of explains all those dusty-blue tuxedos in the late 1980’s/early 1990’s wedding portraits since the Country Look was in vogue.
I have one word that sums up my feelings on weddings … ELOPE!
Travis, wasn’t it on your blog that I read not too long ago about your wedding day and how much it meant to you and your wife? I believe it was quite nostalgic. Elope? I think not.
This is no (Expletive)! My boss in the Navy’s name was John, and his name has not been changed. John was a crass and practical man, raised on a farm in North Dakota and an officer who raised himself up from the enlisted ranks of the World War II Navy. He referred to his wife as “my ball and chain” whenever he spoke of her. He claimed there were only three reasons to get married:
1. You live in a small town and don’t want people to talk,
2. You want your children to have a legal last name, and
3. You can’t score with a girl and you think this will do it.
My husband introduces me as his roommate and has since before we married.
I have tried chewing (or dipping or whatever) when I was in college and asked a goatroper if I could try it. He failed to tell me how to “spit” so I understand your character.
Lastly, I think weddings are way overrated and way over priced and way over everything. I asked my daddy for the same money he paid for each of my older sisters big huge weddings and I’d have a small ceremony with family and friends in their home with their preacher.
Worked for me. By the way, I didn’t have my bathroom colors in mind at the time or I’d have looked like a hussy bride in my mother’s home.
Enjoyed your article. Thank you.
Deborah,
Congratulations on the wedding and all the fun and fuss that entails.
I am proud to follow in your footsteps. I have a story in this year’s Toys For Tots anthology, Dying in a Winter Wonderland.
Terrie
I love a good argument / discussion. It can be so thrilling to take a side and try to win. I had one no too long ago over which spice was a necessity in all cooking and won. The poor girl desperately tried, but to no avail. We will have to discuss something sometime.
I didn’t even ask my wife to marry me. She didn’t even know what happened. It went from a promise ring to being engaged. I even planned the wedding with two weeks notice. I really owe her big time now, but it was worth it.
Please don’t let your daughter have a blue and brown wedding, unless you look good in those colors. 😉
Remember Steel Magnolias and the pepto bismol pink? Personally, I like pink.
I can just imagine you listening and grinning as someone debates a topic with you, and then deciding if their ideas have merit for you. I like debate, but I do shy away from heated, loud differences of opinions. Everyone certainly has a right to an opinion, and a right to voice an opinion. If they want me to listen, though, they must stay calm and focused or I’m outta there!
Enjoyed your article – thanks
Terrie– Congratulations on being in the newest Toys for Tots anthology. Tony is a super-great editor and all around nice guy. It’s wonderful working with someone who really cares about the mystery short story and generous enough to share with such a great charity. You go, girl!
For Kerry & Prissy– I used to not be so calm (by any means of the word), but I soon found those kind of “debates” weren’t really getting anyone anywhere. There is definitely a time to share your opinions and to listen to thoughts you haven’t considered, but no need to waste time with people who are just arguing to argue. And no, my daughter had her very classic colors picked out way before she started researching wedding info. (I think girls start planning when they are maybe 5) I think it will be just perfect. As far as the expense, etc., yep it can get out of hand, but this is the most important party we will ever throw. That’s where having a daughter with her priorities in order is beneficial. No Bridezillas here — or her mother either.
Having been married by a judge on our lunch hour 32 years ago – she worked in the election office, I was a newspaper reporter – I am in a state of shock from reading about your daughter’s wedding. Travis has it right.
I read the rest of your blog but am not sure it soaked in owing to the state of my mind after the opening paragraph. Please convey my sympathies to the groom. Think of what he must be going through.
One has to imagine the bride is like her mother, so the groom must be one lucky man. Is that what your daughter tells him?
Sometimes it is fun to just argue for the challenge of it. If possible, I like to debate against the side that I would naturally take. I can easily imagine you a little more feisty / fierce
Both families wanted a religious ceremony at our church. Churches are busy, so 9 months to a year in advance is the only way to assure you get the date you want and we needed one after the groom’s college diploma could be earned (that will be in May) Florists, caterers and reception areas also require advance notice. We aren’t having a Princess Diana type wedding, but one that makes everyone happy (and yes, including the groom & his family) The groom and the bride both think they are getting the best deal in this marriage. My article was meant to concern details and their importance in a short story. I connected it with the details of the wedding and never imagined it would cause anyone to go into a state of shock. Sorry.