Friday, July 3: Bandersnatches
IF YOU CAN READ THIS . . .
by Steve Steinbock
My two boys and I are in Seattle. While on a half hour drive down I-405 the other night we made an observation: There are fewer bumper stickers in the Pacific Northwest than there are in Maine. It may have been a coincidence, but during that entire drive during rush-hour traffic, we spotted three cars with decorated bumpers.
When I was around six or seven years old, I bought a copy of Tom Swift and his Flying Lab at a garage sale.
Ironically, when I teach writing to kids, I use the metaphor of a bumper sticker to force the kids to be concise.
Bumper stickers are, by their very nature, concise, pithy, and direct.
I get a kick out of the humorous bumpers tickers, the ones like:
If you can read this, you’re too close
or
My Cat Can Beat Up Your Honor Student
or my favorite:
Visualize Whirled Peas
But the most common bumper stickers are the political ones. And I find them not just useless and ineffective, but annoying. Has anyone ever changed their political beliefs as a result of a bumper sticker? If so, it says more about the beholder than the bumper sticker. Consider this: when you see a political bumper sticker that you agree with, on a scale of one through ten, to what extent are you likely to raise your arm in solidarity?
There. Hmmm.
See you in a week. Meanwhile, feel free to share comments about your favorite (or most annoying) bumper stickers.
I usually find them a distraction, especially as my sight declines. Also political stickers make your car a target of angry drivers. A discreet sticker on the bumper, supporting an art museum or the environment, I can get onboard with–literally.
I don’t place any on my vehicle, but I sometimes get a kick from others’, who may or may not have a point. One I saw recently, “Where Am I Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?”
We don’t have any bumper stickers, but we do have a few window decals, which are almost the same thing. On my Subaru Forester, I have a “NAVY” decal on the hatchback window and small U.S. flag decals on both port and starboard rear windows. My wife’s Mini also has a “NAVY” decal on the back window, and she has added a “University of California Los Angeles” decal.
One of our local condo associations– and not a fancy one at that– declared bumper stickers verboten. A lady I know who has a fondness for Betty Boop stickers is sorely annoyed.
Oh, now that’s just silly. Outlawing Betty Boop?
And I thoroughly approve of military, school, and national flag stickers.
Years ago I saw one labeled “Ultimate Bumper Sticker.” It covered the whole bumper and featured multiple slogans, like: “My Other Car Is a) in the shop, b) stolen, c) a spaceship” “I’d Rather Be a) surfing, b) God, c) anywhere but here”
Something like that!