DEPARTMENT OF ODD SOCKS V

by Rob Lopresti

I just finished reading When The Women Come Out To Dance, and relearned what a great short story writer Elmore Leonard is. One of the interesting things about Dutch, as he is known, is that he sometimes tries out a character in a story before starring them in a novel. There are several like that here, including “Karen Makes Out,” which led to Out Of Sight (and the short-lived series Karen Sisco.)

The title story is one of my favorites. It is the tale of a wealthy woman plotting to kill her husband and the ending is one of the creepiest I have seen in a long time. Delightfully disturbing.

Leonard started out writing westerns and some people say he never stopped. It’s just that today his cowboys are cops (and U.S. marshals) and Detroit fills in for Dodge City. There are a couple of genuine western stories in the book and they are delightful. “Hurrah For Captain Early” is about a Black army veteran, just back from the Spanish-American War, who has to cope with some cowboys who didn’t go to the fight themselves, but don’t want their illusions of the war shattered by someone who was actually there.

And my favorite is “The Tonto Woman,” about a Mexican horse thief and his encounter with a woman whose husband rejected her after she was kidnapped by Indians. There isn’t a predictable moment in the tale, partly because it begins with a brilliant gambit that leads the reader in all the wrong directions.

This book gets a permanent place on my ever-heavy shelves.

DYSTIAS?

I am sure you are familiar with the Section 419 scams. Those are those emails you get from (supposed) widows of (supposed) African government officials who have chosen you at random to help them get eight gazillion dollars out of the country. If you want to read more about these swindles (and have a laugh) go to Scamorama. This site includes some hilarious reports by people who even managed, through insane persistence, to wheedle a few bucks out of the scammers. The best part is the FAQ (frequently asked questions) section which often includes DYSTIAS (Do you still think it’s a scam?) A few excerpts:

Q: I got a letter like this, do you think it’s a scam?
A: Yes
Q: My letter came from Musa Bello, not Idris Bello, Do You Still Think It’s A Scam?
A: Yes
Q: I got such an e-mail from someone who says he’s in a refugee camp in Togo. With broadband. DYSTIAS?
A: Yes. Don’t make me come over there and smack you.

The Battle Of The Aleutians

I am a government documents librarian in my day job. I don’t get to combine these two fields too often so I was pleased to discover that a government report entitled The Battle of the Aleutians: A Graphic History, was co-written by that distinguished army corporal, Dashiell Hammett. He spent World War II serving his country in the Alaskan islands.

Breaking Prison

A while ago I wrote about my habit of stopping reading when a book stops holding my interest. Ditto with TV shows.

In the spring I was asking myself: Why am I still watching Prison Break? The show never had the gritty realism of, say, Scooby Doo, and emotionally it peaked two years ago. This year the McGuffin (object everyone is trying to get their paws on) changed its identity so often (It’s a record of evil deeds! No, it’s data on cheap energy! It’s a weapon! It’s a breath mint!) that I doubt if the writers could even keep track of what it was supposed to be/do.

Yet I kept watching. I suppose the secret is the main character. Michael Scofield was a brilliant engineer with a preternatural ability to detect patterns and an obsessive need to solve problems – including human issues. Sort of MacGyver with a tortured conscience. The fun was watching him grab chemicals out of the janitor’s closet and whip together a bomb or whatever other toy he might need at a moment’s notice.

This was the show’s last season and I watched it to the bitter end. The last episode was especially fun, watching the writers decide on the proper fate for each character. Does the evil T-Bag, who aspires to be a better person, end up free or back at Fox River Penitentiary? Nice climax.

NKZANP GKLNAOPS

I have reached a new level of fame. You can say you knew me when.

Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine has a monthly feature called “The Mysterious Cipher,” by Willie Rose. A quotation from a mystery writer is translated into code and you have to figure it out by various clues. (for example, G PDQ’X pretty much has to be I CAN’T, I DON’T, or I WON’T, so that gives you a few letters.)

Anyway, in the September issue the quoted author is the name you see in bold above. Hmm… I thought. Six letters in the first name, eight in the second. Yes, I have been ciphered. What an honor.

Until next time, watch out for Nigerian Finance Ministers bearing gifts. Tell ’em NKZANP sent you.