Thursday, August 27: Femme Fatale
WHO ARE YOU REALLY?
by Deborah Elliott-Upton
I arrived a bit late to the game of Facebook, but find it’s a lot like going into the “Cheers” bar: everyone knows your name, people seem happy to see you and you’re expected to say and do something while you’re there.
One reason people enjoy Facebook more than regular e-mail to keep up with friends is the absence of spam – although I surprisingly do know a handful of guys who appreciate Spam. (It is never an item on a female’s shopping list, which proves women are more intelligent than men about what they’ll eat.)
On Facebook, most of my friends have gotten caught up in Mafia Wars. Personally, I’m afraid to go there. I think it may be like the real Mafia and once you’re in, there’s no way out this side of death. My friends have become obsessed or addicted, whichever is worse.
In all, I spend probably a total of ten minutes a day on Facebook. My guilty pleasure while there is the quizzes. They are short (usually 5-10 multiple choice questions) and for the most part, correct in evaluations. The last test I took was “What Halloween Costume Should You Wear?” The result: You are scary enough: Go as yourself.
Some people will challenge my choice by saying, “These quizzes are time wasters.” I beg to differ. These are quickie playdates for the brain. But more importantly, they are insider views to you and your friends – and for a writer, getting to know more about people is paramount to creating believable characters. We love to see what’s beneath the surface. Knowing who we are and who are friends are tells us much about ourselves and society at large.
What if Facebook quizzes were around for our favorite literary characters? Imagine Sam Spade, Archie Goodwin, Sherlock Holmes, Mike Hammer, James Bond or Miss Marple finding their own answers to quizzes like these:
- What’s Your Theme Song?
- What’s Your Hidden Talent?
- What Do Your Dreams Say About You?
- What Kind Of Parent Will You Be?
- Who’s Your Dream Date?
- Which “Gilligan’s Island” Character Are You?
Now I’m smiling imagining Sam Spade as a grouchy Skipper, Archie Goodwin as the Professor, and Nora Charles as Mrs. Howell. Gilligan? Ellery Queen? Maybe not.
Yes, these quizzes are far-fetched and just for fun, but sometimes the brain needs to take a few minutes off from the cerebral workout and just fool around. The conception of some of our best stories may have occurred during a daydream or two.
Did I say sometimes these quiz results are just wrong? Does anyone really believe the sit-com mom I would be is Carol Brady? Accordingly, I’m supposedly married to Dan Conner, which is a great character – and I adore John Goodman — but Dan is so far removed from my quiet, methodical husband that now I’m not so sure about the other quiz results.
Maybe I shouldn’t go Trick or Treating as myself on Halloween. But, then, maybe they did nail that one.
* What’s Your Theme Song?
I am beyond mere theme songs. I have a secret leitmotif instead.
* What’s Your Hidden Talent?
All of my talents, such as they are, and for better or worse, are on display for the world.
* What Do Your Dreams Say About You?
None of your business.
* What Kind Of Parent Will You Be?
Too late. But I am a good cat mommy.
* Who’s Your Dream Date?
See the answer to the question about what my dreams say about me.
* Which “Gilligan’s Island” Character Are You?
I was a navigator in the Navy. I never would have wound up on the island in the first place. However, I admit that I’d rather date Mary Ann than Ginger, my answer to the Dream Date question notwithstanding.
LOL..what a great column! I am one of the Mafia Wars members both addicted AND obsessed!! I am also fond of the quizzes…I recently found out that as a 70’s song I would be ‘Let It Be’ by the Beatles. As a Disney Princess, I am Aurora, though there is no doubt that the ‘you sing well’ part was way off the mark!! :]]
I am not a Mafia Wars addict, but I keep playing to stay ahead of the others in the pack. Not sure if that is any better than being an addict, but I don’t think there is a 12 step program for it.
I like the quizzes. They are fun and playful and sometimes provide interesting insight. Just a scary thought that 10 questions can determine who you are. Are we really that simple and just make everything overly complicated and complex?
Great article!
I secretly took the “who is your dream date” for JLW and it was none other than toy dog collector Ph!!!
She had her little doggie in a bag waiting at the hot tamale stand in front of one of my many restaurants in Mafia Wars.
I asked her why she was waiting at a hot tamale stand when she could have excellent Italian fare served her provided someone doesn’t rob me before I protect all my properties.
She said that she knew this guy named James wasn’t fond of her but she’d talked to someone named Velma and had been told to wait at the hot tamale stand somewhere in Facebook until something like hades froze over. She assumed that meant he was taking her for dessert.
I immediately called Velma and she is still laughing.
James is not anyplace I’ve looked unless Lissa is holding him hostage in Cuba because he is misbehaving while trying to explain his hot tamale fetish he doesn’t want to admit.
See? I’m not addicted.
Lissa I really really need an Ace of Hearts.
alisa, I understand maybe half of what you wrote, but I suspect that you could no more take a quiz for me than I could for you, so I don’t necessarily recognize the results you obtained as valid. Velma, of course, is really Leigh in drag, so we don’t want to go there, either. Finally, I don’t need a quiz to tell me who my dream date would be. I’ll bet you don’t either. (And we both know that the only answer that would be acceptable to Deborah is Johnny Depp.)
I do get alarmed, however, whenever I see my name and the word “fetish” in the same sentence. Makes me think of greasy little men with green teeth, the sort of human snake I would prefer kept away from my sisters. And brothers. And nieces and nephews.
But I do like tamales — the edible kind, that is, especially at Christmas. My favorite Mexican dish, though, is green chili chicken enchiladas, exactly as they are served at Mi Tierra in San Antonio.
I’m not very hep to this Facebook stuff. I’m on it but I only check it once every couple of weeks. (Just for family photos, honest!)
Oh, and Deborah,thanks for the food for thought (minus spam!)
RED ALERT!!!
JLW and alisa have something in common!!! I LOVE MiTierra in San Antonio!! The best of the best……..
You have the Christmas Texas tradition down pat….my husband thinks he has to have homemade tamles (WHAT????) and other Mexican fare.
“I” like the other stuff and out of the 2 of us I am the native Texan!
I’m still in awe of Mi Tierra. LOL
Deborah–Johnny Depp cannot be your dream date, he’s mine. And I’m not sharing…
Tamales are every bit as much a part of Christmas in California, New Mexico, and Arizona as in Texas. The tradition is Mexican in origin, although I’ve read that it extends as far south as Costa Rica.
I know of only one Tex-Mex restaurant here in West L.A. The others are Sonora or Baja California styles; good, but not as hearty.