THE MICE TRAP

by James Lincoln Warren

Deborah’s column last week gave us a list of reasons, at least according to an evangelical religious sect, why good people do bad things. Along with the title of Hamlet’s play-within-a-play alluded to last week in this space, that reminded me of a famous acronym used by the CIA to explain why people turn traitor, or more specifically, how they can be recruited as spies for foreign governments. Interestingly, the first person to make the acronym public was Soviet defector Stanislav Levchenko, in his memoir On the Wrong Side: My Life in the KGB (1988). The New York Times review of the book quoted the appropriate passage:

In seeking K.G.B. recruits in Japan, Mr. Levchenko says, a potential agent’s vulnerability was measured by an American acronym known to intelligence agencies the world over — MICE, for money, ideology, compromise and ego. “Whenever an intelligence officer evaluates the weakness of a target,” he writes, ‘“he always starts with MICE.”

Some spooks like to add a little sex to the mix, too, making the acronym SMICE. Whatever.

MICE has a strong correlation to the Seven Deadly Sins, but what makes it interesting is that it’s actually a kind of (im)moral lever, a means to move people in a direction where they can be criminally exploited. And not only for purposes of espionage. Let’s take a closer look.

MONEY. This one may seem obvious, and I’ve mentioned before that greed is my favorite criminal motivation for my own fiction. But it can also apply when greed is not the driving force. Need works just as well.

The most shocking thing I remember from my time as a bookseller was when I worked for Barnes & Noble. At one manager’s meeting, the topic at hand was inventory shrinkage, which usually relates to shoplifting countermeasures. The discussion spilled over into customer fraud, which was a major problem for us. The biggest scam involved returns of stolen books for refunds, especially expensive Microsoft Engineering Certification programs, but there were other problems as well. I mentioned an employee scam I had encountered when I was with Tower Records: one of our clerks was taking merchandise off the floor and then processing refunds for the items on her credit card. I remember commenting that it was a hopelessly inept crime. How could the clerk not realize that she would be detected?

B&N’s Operations Manager, my immediate superior and the point man for the store’s security, was very interested in my story and asked several questions relating to how she tried to pull it off.

A month later, he was arrested and led out of the store in handcuffs. He had freshened up the routine by using his lover’s credit card instead of his own. It turned out that his lover was actually slowly dying of AIDS, and that he was drowning in the debt incurred by the insidious disease. When he was caught, he confessed immediately and completely, demonstrating a powerful remorse, and it was clear that for months, maybe years, he had been living at the bitter end of his tether. I think David Dean‘s observation last week that most crimes are not committed by dedicated criminals is right on the, ahem, money.

IDEOLOGY. The fourth definition of the word in the OED, and the meaning with which the modern world is generally most familiar, is “a systematic scheme of ideas, usu. relating to politics or society, or to the conduct of a class or group, and regarded as justifying actions, esp. one that is held implicitly or adopted as a whole and maintained regardless of the course of events.” How spies take advantage of it usually involves a conflicted loyalty — e.g., patriotic fidelity pitted against moral conviction, usually with regard to a political or economic system. Religious fervor is another branch of ideology ripe for exploitation. Terrorists are almost always ideologically motivated.

What makes ideology particularly dangerous as a criminal motivation is that it supersedes self-interest. You can therefore regard it as a form of madness. The “systematic scheme” may completely override rationality. In one of my stories, “An Ingraft of Evil”, a delusional character thinks he’s an agent of the Angel of Death. In another, “When the Bough Breaks”, a character believes his crimes are a mystical Darwinian imperative. ( I particularly enjoyed combining his crazy magical thinking with what is actually a purely rational scientific theory.)

COMPROMISE. Or as we like to call it in the crime fiction field, blackmail. This is usually were (illicit) sex comes into play. Remember that beautiful blonde you picked up in the restaurant, Mr. Secretary? Well, we have pictures. (This is the notorious “honeytrap” method.) Money can be useful here, as well — if you don’t do what we tell you, we’ll tell the FBI where you got the cash to pay for your son’s Ivy League education, i.e., from us. This was also the justification used for prohibiting high security clearances to homosexuals in former days, although if the alternate lifestyle is a closely held secret, it can still be a factor. Nowadays it’s a lot harder to blackmail somebody because of sex, though, unless the indiscretion involves a crime, i.e., the sexual abuse of children or human trafficking. Most politicians and diplomats these days seem to survive their indiscretions with pretty young foreign-government sponsored trollops as being mere, if major, inconveniences.

EGO. Ah, yes, the sin of Pride. Selling out your superiors because they don’t appreciate you sufficiently. Proving that I, Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius, am much more brilliant than that stupid Roadrunner. Loyalty to morons is a sign of weakness. I deserve whatever I can steal, especially admiration.

Even though it is well documented than many criminals suffer from a deep-seated sense of inferiority, it seems to me that most crimes involve a perverted sense of entitlement at some level. That is always a matter of ego. Self-image can be terribly complex — the obese comic book geek may think that the reason he has no luck with super-models is because he’s too intelligent for them to understand what they’re missing, although deep in his heart he may suspect that it’s really because he bears so little resemblance to George Clooney.

I know why I don’t have any luck with super-models. In the first place, I wouldn’t know where to start. In the second place, don’t know any super-models. In the third place, I’m a fat gray-haired middle-aged pedant without access to a yacht in Monte Carlo. But the real reason is that I don’t think my wife would like it, despite the fact that she claims she doesn’t care — although I don’t think it’s something she worries about either way. In any case, we all know that the best-laid schemes o’ MICE and men gang aft agley.

The iPAD

by Leigh Lundin

Before friends Sharon and Steve flew off to California, Sharon begged me to set up her new iPad, akin to asking a teenage garage mechanic if he’d mind test driving your new Lamborghini. I sighed mightily and allowed that after my many other duties, I might reluctantly glance at it.

Naturally, I spent the next several hours playing, er, upgrading and testing the slick little machine.

iPadding the Imagination

It didn’t happen immediately, but I get it, I really do get it now. That’s a stretch because geeks don’t understand it (with the possible exception of Gizmodo) because of their own expectations. Geo-geeks gripe it doesn’t have true GPS and phone phanz whine it doesn’t have a built-in camera and ‘puter punks complain it doesn’t multitask and business users bitch it doesn’t sport investment tools.

They don’t get it. For the moment at least, the iPad is none of the above. It’s like buying a mule and complaining you can’t milk it, race it, or breed it.

Unless developers change it, the iPad’s all about entertainment. But why would anyone pay $500-800 for a color Kindle?

Love/Slate Affair

The problem with eBook readers is they’re considerably overpriced. Amazon recently reduced the acquisition of a Kindle to $140, which drew a big yawn. They should be looking closer to $40. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Sony could stand an economic lesson. Ever wonder why fancy computer printers are so cheap? They sell the ink for $800 a liter, more than $3000 a gallon. Razor manufacturers sometimes give away the razors knowing they make more money selling the blades.

eBook retailers want it both ways. They not only sell you an overpriced machine, they want to charge a dismayingly huge mark-up for the digital books themselves. So, after I complain about eReader prices higher than $40, why would I grok the iPad? Because you get a lot more for your money.

Comparing an iPad to a Kindle is like comparing a Lamborghini to a bicycle. It’s a full entertainment centre versus a paperback, accounting for a hefty difference in price. (But isn’t the Kindle reading-under-a-tree icon great!)

The iPad is not a Nook, Kindle, or Sony eReader; it just happens to contain eBook readers, including the Kindle and others. It’s no more a computer than an iPod, which can confuse customers. You can’t see folders or data storage. You can’t willy-nilly download programs from the web. The software hood is sealed– no user-serviceable components inside.

It’s also not a word processor. Yes, AbiWord, Microsoft Office and NeoOffice are available for the iPad, as are notepads and a pretty little writer’s aid called Manuscriptus. Yes, Zoho and Google Docs work on the iPad. Yes, you can connect an Apple keyboard or any wireless keyboard. But… use the iPad to read novels, not write them.

PADD

It’s also not a slate computer. The Apple shiny thing is more like (and perhaps better than) the Star Trek PADD, the Personal Access Display Device. You know, the gadget Captain Picard uses to read CVs, the ship’s counselor uses to peruse patient notes, and everyone uses to twitter.

@Troi: Leaving Rigel VII; Riker was like so all hands on deck 😉 Where’s my iPenicillin?

@Captain: Secret mission to Alpha Centauri to kick Klingon butt. Don’t tell Worf! LOL

Unlike the PADD, the iPad has no upside down, no right or wrong way to hold it. Most programs allow you to read in portrait or landscape mode. A few programs insist upon one or the other, and you can lock in a preference. If you want to always view The New York Times in wide mode, you can make it so.

And, at least one Star Trek developer is assembling a PADD iPad interface. Already, fans call it ‘retro’.

Size Matters

After reading about the iPad, the only real surprise was how light and small it is. Think of a recent issue of Ellery Queen or Alfred Hitchcock with a picture frame around it, and you’ll be close. Apple designers use an illusion to make it seem thinner than it already is, even with the addition of a protective hard shell like Sharon uses.

The iPad comes with a nifty 10w USB charger, one that should be included with all iPods. It’s designed to connect with your computer, Mac or Windows, and this led to my first (and thus far only) source of confusion.

iFondle

Like the iPod Touch, the iPhone, and Android, you can manipulate text and images with agile fingertip moves using one, two, or three fingers. You can touch, tap, drag, flip, rotate, slide, and squeeze or expand. Some of the inputs are used seriously and some, like tilting and shaking, can be used playfully.

To check out Apple’s eBooks (iBooks), I downloaded the free version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. If I owned an iPad, I’d be tempted to buy the entire book. It uses John Tenniel’s illustrations, some of them tastefully touched with color in a style consistent with the era.

The book has a number of pages that allow a kid (me) to play with it. Tilt the iPad and the pocket watch on a page swings by its chain as if tugged by gravity. Snag the Drink Me bottle and twirl it or flip it out of the way. I’m touchy about treatments of favorite stories, but this approach to Alice sticks closely to the original intent and works for me.

iPaddy Chayefsky

I don’t have anything to go with this heading. I just liked the sound of it.

Well, not to be entirely gratuitous, did I mention the iPad offers novels, radio, television, and movies? Just like Paddy Chayefsky? Plus music. Plus games. Plus audiobooks. Plus podcasts. Plus Skype phone. Plus …

Switched on Back

The machine bears a minimum of physical buttons, mainly on/off/sleep/wake (one button), volume, and a Home button.

Sharon had the foresight to purchase a third party book, one of the Missing Manual series. It explains some of the less than obvious points, such as the device contains eleven ‘home screens’, meaning that as you load your beloved gadget with apps (application programs), you can fill eleven screens full of icons that you access by sliding screens left or right. There’s also sort of a ‘home home’, which contains a search facility.

Not only does the on-screen keyboard appear when you need it, it changes according to context. If you click in the URL address field of the Safari browser, the keyboard’s space bar goes away and other useful keys like ‘.com’ appear (which could have been even more useful if it inserted ‘.com/’).

iTuned Out

This is important: Working with the iPad involves two different iTunes programs, one that comes with the iPad itself and one that you’ll use on your Mac or PC. Because the Missing Manual contained a large section how to use iTunes, my ADD kicked in and I glossed over a critical point: the two programs are not the same.

• iTunes on your Windows or Mac computer is a major utility for handling backups, software updates, adding music, movies, and audio books, and keeping your address book and calendar in sync. That much I understood.
• iTunes on the iPad allows you to download music and movies from the iTunes store. That’s it. Apple should have called it iStore.

Because I was familiar with iTunes on computers, I confused myself when I opened iTunes on the iPad expecting to play music. Huh-uh. Instead, you must use a separate application, iPod. Likewise, there are separate applications to purchase… well… more applications (or obtain them free) and eBooks, which Apple calls iBooks.

Up in the Air

As Sharon flies to California, she doesn’t need to pack her iPod, her paperbacks, her laptop for eMail, a DVD player, or a Kindle. She carries all that and more in her iPad. She can access the internet from Orlando Airport’s free wifi or switch to 3G wireless (cell phone) mode at other nickel-n-dime-you-to-death airports.

If it weren’t for Steve, her iPad would be a good way of picking up guys. Steve reports he was so jammed in his airline seat, he couldn’t use his laptop. Meanwhile, Sharon blithely used her iPad as others enviously looked on.

I won’t be buying an iPad, but I now understand why aficionados love it. Guys, here’s a Christmas hint: If your wife says she wants something to read eBooks, start saving now– she’s not talking about a Nook or Kindle.

Another Tech Travel Tip

Steve packed his MacBook and a $99 Virgin Mobile gadget that looks like a USB flash drive. For a not unreasonable $40 monthly fee (or $10 a week for a fixed amount of data), the 3G network device allows him to connect to the internet when he can’t find a free wifi signal.

While the Mac setup is less tedious than under Windows (I did both), it requires understanding an undocumented trick: On a Mac, the device disguises itself as a Novatel telephone modem. Once you understand that and ignore the telephone number fields, it’s a quick installation.

TICKET, PLEASE

by John M. Floyd

For today’s column I went to a familiar subject, in mystery/suspense fiction: stories that involve trains.

I’ve always liked them, because they give the reader or viewer an isolated, “closed” setting—sort of like a locked-room mystery, at times. After all, when the train’s moving no one’s going to get on or off without a bit of effort, a fact that limits the possibility of escape and increases the possibility of detection for those who’re being sought or chased. And there are always a few of those in crime fiction.

I’ve created two lists—one of train-related novels, most of which are mysteries, and one of train-related films, most of which are thrillers. (Sometimes there’s a rail-thin line between the two.) Please let me know of others that I left out; these are just some I remember most.

All aboard?

Novels:

The Edge, Dick Francis—A young security operative for the British Jockey Club masquerades as a waiter on a luxury train journey across Canada.

The Mystery of the Blue Train, Agatha Christie—A story set on the famous Train Bleu, which once shuttled the wealthy to the Riviera.

The Great Train Robbery, Michael Crichton—A dandy heist story involving a train in Victorian England. Adapted into a movie, directed by Crichton, with Sean Connery and Donald Sutherland.

The Necropolis Railway, Andrew Martin—A Jim Stringer mystery, set in 1903 London. Includes a lot of detail, and should be especially interesting if you’re a train or railway-history buff.

The Wheel Spins, Ethel Lina White—This novel, adapted into the Hitchcock movie The Lady Vanishes, is about, well, a lady vanishing. From a moving train.

4:50 From Paddington, Agatha Christie —The title in the U.S. was What Mrs. McGillicuddy Saw. What she saw was a murder committed on a train traveling parallel to hers.

Stamboul Train, Graham Greene—American title, Orient Express. Probably more of an espionage story than mystery/crime. Plenty of dark humor, plus fascinating characters.

Spinsters in Jeopardy, Ngaio Marsh—Inspector Alleyn witnesses a murder while aboard a train to the French Riviera.

Strangers on a Train, Patricia Highsmith—Actually only the initial situation is set up on a railway journey, but it’s still considered a train story. This one also became a Hitchcock movie, the script co-written by Raymond Chandler.

Inspector Ghote Goes by Train, H. R. F. Keating—Ghote’s assignment begins as a vacation (a train ride across India) but turns into something more exciting.

The Seven-Percent Solution, Nicholas Meyer—A good mystery as well as an emotional character study of Sherlock Holmes; Meyer’s screenplay for the film version was nominated for an Oscar.

Bullet Train, Arei Kato—A bomb on a train, set to explode if the speed drops below 50 mph. Sound familiar? Don’t be fooled: this one’s a page-turner.

Appleby’s End, Michael Innes—The train journey happens only in the book’s opening chapter, but it’s memorable. A product of the British Golden Age of Mystery.

Movies:

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)—A subway train is hijacked in New York City. This version is, in my opinion, far better than the Denzel/Travolta remake.

Murder on the Orient Express (1974)—Adapted from the Agatha Christie mystery. A snowdrift adds yet another level of isolation to the setting.

The Train (1964)—A different kind of war movie, involving the shipping of art masterpieces from France to Germany in 1944.

Transsiberian (2008) —Two Americans traveling on the Trans-Siberia Express find themselves in the middle of murder and drug-trafficking. A Woody Harrelson film I actually liked.

From Russia With Love (1963)—Not strictly a train-based movie, although much of the action (and one of the best fight scenes ever filmed) takes place aboard the Orient Express. Some feel this is the best of the Bonds, although Goldfinger gets my vote.

Runaway Train (1985)—Edge-of-your-seat, heart-in-your-throat entertainment. It’s hard to believe this is the same Jon Voight who once played Joe Buck in Midnight Cowboy.

Emporer of the North (1973)—Hobo Lee Marvin and railway conductor Ernest Borgnine face off in Oregon during the great depression.

Narrow Margin (1990)—Yet another woman who’s witnessed a murder, yet another train ride across Canada. But this time the mafia is chasing her.

Night Train (2009)—When an overdosed passenger dies and diamonds are found in his possession, his two fellow passengers and the train’s conductor cook up a scheme to dump the body and keep the loot.

Breakheart Pass (1975)—No list of mine is complete without a western. This one, adapted from the Alistair MacLean novel, features Charles Bronson on a winter railroad journey through the Nevada Territory.

The Train Killer (1998)—A mad Hungarian bomber who arranges train crashes in the 1930s tries to permanently derail the famous Orient Express.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)—Die Hard on a train through the Rocky Mountains. Steven Seagal, again playing ex-SEAL Casey Ryback, saves the day.

Von Ryan’s Express (1965)—A captured American pilot (Frank Sinatra) leads a group of his fellow prisoners in an escape from a German POW camp.

That’s all I could come up with. I hope the items listed brought back some good memories, or maybe gave you some ideas for future reading or viewing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me . . . I think this is my stop.

WHERE THEY WORK

by Steven Steinbock

Steven Steinbock and Evan Hunter (Ed McBain)

I wandered over to see my friends at Murdurati and was intrigued to learn that they’re doing a theme fortnight (they’re calling it theme week(s), but I can be cleverer than that. Besides, how often do I have a chance to use the word fortnight?) It’s been a fun read, both entertaining and edifying, and it was fun seeing what office elements I had in common with some of my friends and colleagues.

It started on Monday with a tour of Pari Noskin Taichert’s workspace. Turns out she keeps a Ganesha statue on hand for inspiration. Don’t tell my rabbi, but I have one, too. Actually, I have several, along with a collection of Shiva statuettes. (We can go into the theology of it some other time).

On Tuesday, fellow Mainer Tess Gerritsen showed off her office. It was a relief to see that clutter doesn’t preclude cleverness and success. (Tess does have a much nicer view than I have).

On Wednesday, Robert Gregory Browne revealed his pit. Greg collects guitars, Gold Medal paperbacks, and confusion. I like it.

Yesterday was Brett Battles turn. He has the most complex scenario so far. You can read about it here. It was the most complex, but also the most interesting. Battles splits the writing process into four separate compartments, depending on where he is on a particular book. Where he works depends on what stage he’s at. (Like me, he does much of his writing and light-pass rewriting at cafes). He shows a photo of the area where he does his plotting. It’s pretty cool with his giant Post-It pads, Dry-Erase board, and six stacks of color coded index cards.

Go on over and see whose workspace is on display today . Tell ’em Steve sent you.

Meanwhile, I’ll put together a tour of my own work space for next week.

THE COOLEST (AUTHOR) WORKSPACE I’VE VISITED

In past decades, while conducting magazine interviews, I had the chance to visit a few writers in their homes. Most notable were Ed McBain (Evan Hunter) and Janwillem van de Wetering – both sadly gone. Both authors, incidentally, worked in outbuildings adjacent to their homes. McBain lived in a beautiful house in southwestern Connecticut. I had lunch with him and his wife, and he showed me the den where he kept a library of all the thousands of editions of his books, movies, and audiobooks. But I never got to see the building where he worked. (It was either a converted garage or just a separate building, connected to the house by a bridge).

About fifteen years ago Janwillem van de Wetering let me into his studio, a building he put together himself out of old timbers in Surry, Maine, near Ellworth. It was amazing. It was a walk along flagstone steps down the hill from his house, past the barn where he kept his motorcycle, overlooking the bay. He told me he enjoyed watching the seals from his desk.

Janwillem’s studio was a tri-level affair, as I recall, with the top level serving as a bedroom for guests, and the lower levels housing a kitchen, a desk, and a media room. At one point he told me to lay down on the futon in front of his big screen TV and he played a video of a Dutch documentary about him. He translated throughout. Had anyone else done such a thing, I’d likely have been bored or annoyed at the audacity. But with Janwillem, it was not only natural, it was engrossing.

A man of paradox, Janwillen decorated his workspace with Buddhist art, antique rifles, and portraits of Jazzmen and large-breasted women. (Miles Davis, he told me, was the most important influence on his life). An Oriental bell hung above an incense alter on which a plastic dinosaur rested. His life story was just as paradoxical and varied, with years spent motorcycling through southern Africa and South America, studying at a Zen monastery in Japan, and serving as a municipal cop in Amsterdam.

Somewhere I have photos of that visit, but they are from my pre-digital days, and I’ll have to dig for them.

Meanwhile, as I said above, I’ll be back next Friday with a tour of my own workspace(s). Until then . . .

YOU DID A BAD, BAD THING

by Deborah Elliott-Upton

Left on my front door were a bundle of pamphlets published and distributed by a religious sect (you can guess which one). The cover caught my attention with the words Why Do People Do Bad Things? Being a mystery/crime story lover, I decided to see what the author had to say.

The writer listed five key reasons why people act inappropriately even when they realize what they’re doing is wrong.

• As a solution to hardships and injustices
• Greed
• Absent authority
• Temptations
• Bad associations

As a mystery writer, I can agree these reasons are bare bones of reasoning a character may have to commit a crime.

Many of what criminals believe to be a reason they “got into trouble” in the first place was due to a hardship in life and where others seemed to live a golden life and it all seemed unfair for a nameless entity to have tons of money when they didn’t. Why not rob a bank or scam an insurance company “who has all the money anyway”? If they can reach a certain celebrity with the public while doing so, that makes it even sweeter. The infamous Butch Cassidy, Bonnie and Clyde, and John Dillinger pulled off this feat. The same phenomenon also occurred during more recent times with D. B. Cooper, computer hacker Frank Abignal, and criminal-turned-Secret Service-informant Albert Gonzalez.

Under what circumstances would a regular ol’ Joe decide to commit a crime? Think greed is something most of us wouldn’t be susceptible to? Ever cheated just a bit on taxes? Walked away with extra money that didn’t belong to you when a cashier gave you too much in change? Thought about keeping the money from the wallet you found in a taxi? Two movies, “Wall Street” and (one of my favorites), “Double Indemnity,” showcase criminal greed in action.

English philosopher Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.” If authorities are not watching, people sometimes ignore speed limits, cheat on tests and take things that don’t belong to them. Anyone who has seen videos of looting during riots has witnessed people doing things they probably wouldn’t have if police were evident and not outnumbered by lawlessness. Mobs and their lack of control by law enforcement are a foundation of criminal activity.

Except for the singing group of the 1960s, Temptations aren’t a good thing to experience. Why are we tempted by things we don’t have? Human beings are imperfect. One man’s temptation is another man’s lost desire. One may be tempted by a stellar collection owned by another (okay, so I envy Steven’s collections of Ellery Queen and Alfred Hitchcock magazines, but not enough to steal them. Someone else may, so keep them safe, Steve.) I own collections of Native American Kachina dolls, antique quilting patterns, and too many books. I doubt anyone would covet them enough to risk jail time to take them from me. It all depends on what something is worth. Many a crime has been committed due to a link to passion. What better temptation than lust?

Aesop’s Fable: The Ass and His Purchaser

A man wished to purchase a donkey and decided to give the animal a test before buying him. He took the ass home and put him in the field with his other asses. The new ass strayed from the others to join the one that was the laziest and the biggest eater of them all. Seeing this, the man led him back to his owner. When the owner asked how he could have tested the ass in such a short time, the man answered, “I didn’t even need to see how he worked. I knew he would be just like the one he chose to be his friend.”
Moral to the story: You are known by the company you keep.

If we’re keeping “bad company,” it is more likely we will start to see life as “they” do. If they don’t think it’s wrong to lie, steal or cheat, we probably will soon rationalize and agree. Characters in mysteries are much the same.

As members of society, we are hopefully nice, law-abiding, good citizens. But for those of us who live a bit vicariously through the stories we read, let us be aware, we’re still supposed to root for the hero even while we may empathize with the villain.

POP QUIZ 3: A WORD TO THE WISE

by Robert Lopresti

It’s the end of summer, so let’s not get too heavy.

Here are a few word games.

1. What do these words have in common?

abuse	combat	convict
desert	house	produce
rebel	subject	wind

Hint: These words do not belong in the above group: home, distress, fear, mouse.

2. What do THESE words have in common, besides being the names of animals?

bear	cow	crow
dog	dove	fish
fox	hawk	parrot

Hint: The following words do NOT share this characteristic with the words above: dodo, parakeet, raccoon, salmon, tiger,

3. Find the partner.

Each of the words in the left column has the same relationship with a word in the right column. Once you spot the relationship the rest is easy.

Hint: One pair is long and tall.

dark	blunt
flat	easy
in	fewer
less	found
left	heavy
long	new
soft	rise
spring	safe
wet	sweet
won	tall
young	wrong

Answers next week.

Here’s the surprise I promised. Rejoice! —JLW

THE GOOD-BYE TOUR ENDS; Melodie Returns

by Melodie Johnson Howe

When I wrote my last column I was leaving CB. In order to mark my departure I listed some wonderful, “Good-bye” book titles such as The Long Goodbye. So I thought I would like to begin my returning column with mystery titles that have the words Hello or Return in them. After all, doesn’t the killer always return to the scene of the crime? Surely if there is a Good-bye, Mr. Moto there must be a Hello, Mr. Moto. I rummaged through my brain for welcome-back titles and then my reference books. Nothing! Not The Long Return or even The Big Nap instead of The Big Sleep.

I was forced to go to my other favorite—the movies. Everything returns in the movies. Where do you think the phrase “return on your money” came from? Now of course they are called sequels and they are even numbered. Spider Man 3142 The Sequel. Hollywood even loves prequels. Spiderman The Fetus.

Now movies have a long history and I was rewarded with a plethora of titles: Mr. Motto Returns. Sherlock Holmes Returns. The Return of The Jackal. The Thin Man Returns. Wait. How can the thin man return? The thin man dies in the first movie (and Hammet’s novel ). But old Hollywood understood that most people thought the thin man was the detective Nick Charles, and therefore the actor who played him, William Powell. Another example of “return on your money.”

Where was I? Oh, yes. Titles. The Return of the Killer Tomatoes. Now this might’ve worked for me if the title had been The Return of the Killer Tomato. That’s me, baby. There is always Hello, Dolly, but the image of goofy hammy Carol Channing, or the diva of all divas, Barbra Streisand, is too much for me. (Besides, Babs is the one and only who curtly told my husband1 how to pronounce her last name correctly. “It’s not StreiSND. It’s StreiSAAAAND.”)

The only title that came close to my heart is Out of The Past. A great film noir starring Robert Mitchum, Kirk Douglas, Jane Greer and an actress on her way up, Rhonda Fleming. It was taken from a novel by Geoffrey Homes (Daniel Mainwaring) called Build My Gallows High. Hollywood has made some awful title changes but on this one they got it right. OUT OF THE PAST. How beautiful and eerily lyrical is that?

Comebacks are big in Hollywood. They are usually reserved for women unless you’re Conan O’Brien. I think it’s because Hollywood is so age conscious that it is a ritualistic triumph for older women to come back and strut their stuff, usually across a stage in Las Vegas. I am reminded of Debbie Reynolds and Cher. (I never thought that would I use those two names in the same sentence.)

There was an article on Brigitte Bardot in the Los Angeles Times today. She, too, is making a comeback, but the plump 75-year-old animal rights activist (it seems she’s become some people’s worst nightmare: an old woman who gratingly and politically incorrectly speaks her mind) is still the iconic Bardot of the sixties. Famous fashion designers are using her sexy pouty young image, which is really an old one, as a new look for today’s modern women. My head is spinning like the girl in The Exorcist trying to figure this out. Wasn’t there a RETURN OF THE EXORCIST?

I distinctly remember a fleeting moment I had with Brigitte Bardot in London. We bumped into each other in front of the Burlington Court, our shoulders colliding. We stared into each other’s faces, assessing and admiring. She was older then, with deep lines etching her face. I was just beginning to age, to see my looks changing. Then she turned on her way, as did I. The writer in me is always trying to recapture that moment. Two women—one who had lost the power of her youthful beauty and the other who was just beginning that journey, and the sense of loss that flowed between us, all in a moment.

I am glad to be back writing for CB. I missed it.

Finally, I would like to recommend two books, not because I’m in them, but because each is worthy in its own right, and one is for a good cause. Hook, Line & Sinister, a collection of short stories, is edited by T. Jefferson Parker. The connecting theme is fly-fishing and it is a delight to read how various authors from Michael Connelly to Dana Stabenow and moi darkly turn the art of angling upside down and sideways.

All the royalties from this anthology will go to help support two charitable groups, Casting for Recovery, which helps women cancer survivors heal the body and soul through fly-fishing, and Project Healing Waters, which offers the same service for our returning vets.

Thriller: 100 Must Reads edited by David Morrell and Hank Wagner is a great source of information on classic thriller and suspense novels. The essays are written by some of our favorite authors on such diverse books as Theseus and the Minotaur, Rebecca, The Manchurian Candidate, and 97 more. I wrote about Somerset Maugham’s Ashenden, or the British Agent. An illuminating and entertaining resource book to have on your library shelf.

1. The Gentle Reader may recall that Melodie’s husband is the legendary record producer Bones Howe. —JLW [↩]