MOVIE TALK

by John M. Floyd

My name’s Friday. I carry a badge.

Just kidding. Actually my name’s Floyd and I carry a cell phone. But I’ve always found it interesting that lines of dialogue from movies and TV can work their way into our language, and as a writer I’ve found that observing fictional characters’ dialogue is not only fun, it’s worthwhile. I’ve even made it the subject of two of my columns at this blog: “Dialogue Is Like a Box of Chocolates” (March 15, 2008) and “Another Box of Chocolates” (September 26, 2009).

Anyhow, since those boxes are big ones and since I was inspired by Rob’s piece last week about catchphrases and since I find myself in need of a column idea for this week, here is a third selection of what I consider to be memorable lines of film dialogue. About half of these are from crime/suspense movies, but the only thing the quotes really have in common is that I like them.

The list is once again presented in quiz format: try to identify the movies these fifty quotes came from, and if you do well, treat yourself to the next Midnight Double Feature at your local Cineplex. If you’re so inclined, try also to identify who said what, and to whom. As before, some of the quotes are easy and some are hard. If you don’t recognize any of them, I congratulate you, since that means you spend your time at more worthwhile endeavors; if you answer only a few, you’re probably the typical American moviegoer; if you get most of them, please send me your e-mail address so we can play Siskel-and-Ebert sometime; and if you correctly answer all of them, you should seek immediate psychiatric help.

Okay, let’s get this moveable feast on the road — after all, I’m just a poor corrupt official, and I’m not going to Mordor alone. It’s time to order a Code Red on Santiago, throw the next one at the mascot, bring me Solo and the Wookiee, and then hi ho, it’s off to work we go. I know the freeway isn’t finished, but Mama says these is magic shoes; they’ll take me anywhere. Besides, I speak jive, and it looks like we’re one horse shy.

So swing away, Merrill — where we’re going we don’t need roads. (And don’t point that finger at me unless you intend to use it . . .)

1. Michael, we’re bigger than U.S. Steel.

2. How could a degenerated person like that have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps? / He got drafted.

3. What is it? / The stuff that dreams are made of.

4. My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa?

5. Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

6. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? / So help me Me.

7. Where is your commanding officer? / Blowed up, SIR.

8. A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as clear as the nose on your face.

9. Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the death of innocent people? / No, by causing the death of innocent people.

10. You talkin’ to me?

11. All you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, and charge me for a chicken salad sandwich. / You want me to hold the chicken? / I want you to hold it between your knees.

12. The horse is too small, the jockey’s too big, the trainer’s too old, and I’m too dumb to know the difference.

13. Made it, Ma! Top o’ the world!

14. When do we land? / I can’t tell. / You can tell me, I’m a doctor.

15. Step away from your busted-ass vehicle and put your hands on your head.

16. What happened to the old bank? — It was beautiful. / People kept robbing it. / Small price to pay for beauty.

17. I do believe Marsellus Wallace, my husband, your boss, told you to take me out and do whatever I wanted. Now I wanna dance. I wanna win. I want that trophy. So dance good.

18. Keaton always said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.” Well, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.

19. Was that Wilson? / That was him — that was Wilson, all right, and he was fast, fast on the draw.

20. Apollo Creed vs. the Italian Stallion. Sounds like a damn monster movie.

21. What are you looking at? / I was just wondering where you hide your firearm. Don’t tell me, let me guess.

22. Moneypenny, what would I do without you? / My problem is, you never do anything with me.

23. Roger O. Thornhill. What does the O stand for? / Nothing.

24. Whenever we needed money, we’d rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.

25. How’d you do it? / Do what? / Manage to give a woman flowers and be President at the same time. / Well, it turns out I’ve got a rose garden.

26. What in the wide, wide world of sports is goin’ on here?

27. I coulda been a contender.

28. When I was nineteen, I did a guy in Laos with a rifle shot at a thousand yards in high wind.

29. How would you feel about another year of high school? Under my close personal supervision.

30. You go in, find the President, bring him out in less than 24 hours, and you’re a free man.

31. I have a new play. / What’s it called? / Romeo and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter.

32. Here are your names: Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blond, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.

33. You got ten seconds to run like hell. Then dynamite, not faith, will move that mountain into this pass.

34. I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because I had my driver’s license revoked. / What for? / Speeding.

35. Don’t start flirting with me — I’m not one of your plantation beaus.

36. The report read “Routine retirement of a replicant.” That didn’t make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back.

37. Why, you speak treason! / Fluently.

38. I keep telling you, this isn’t “a few birds”! These are gulls, crows, swifts . . .

39. Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian . . . Mr. Genghis Khan!

40. Here we are, millions of miles from earth, and we can still send out for pizza.

41. What in the hell you doing with that lawn mower blade? / I aim to kill you with it.

42. I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone, and when I find her . . . she’s a fish.

43. I can’t drive you around while you’re killing folks. It ain’t my job! / Tonight it is.

44. You know what makes this bird go up? Funding makes this bird go up. / He’s right. No bucks, no Buck Rogers.

45. If you build what, who will come? / He didn’t say.

46. Swee’Pea is the worst name I’ve ever heard on a baby. / Well, what do you wants me to call him? Baby Oyl?

47. They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way, and that’s how you get Capone.

48. We killed a man, Drew. Shot him in the back. A mountain man. A cracker.

49. I’m sorry we won’t be able to invite you to the wedding, Benjamin, but the arrangements have been so rushed.

50. Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.

And I hope your answers go really well. I’ll be providing them as a part of my columns over the next three weeks. (In other words . . . I’ll be back.)

Now, go out there and win one for the Gipper.