Thursday, August 5: Femme Fatale
IT’S POISON, I TELL YA
by Deborah Elliott-Upton
An article in the Bartlesville, Oklahoma, newspaper said the police suspected their agency’s drug dog had been poisoned. An officer noticed the dog had been lethargic, so they took him to a Bartlesville veterinarian and a Tulsa animal clinic, both of whom diagnosed advanced kidney failure. The dog was put down and an autopsy performed, showing an “unacceptable amount of antifreeze” in the dog’s system. My question is: How much antifreeze is acceptable in a dog’s system, anyway?
Obviously, antifreeze is poisonous and therefore a weapon that could be used in a crime story. I haven’t tried it, but the experts tell me ethylene glycol antifreeze is sweet to the taste. I wondered why something hasn’t been added to the mix to make it less palatable to an animal (or a human) and therefore less available as an accidental or deliberate cause of death. Again, the expert to the rescue advised denatonium, the most embittering compound agent known, could be added to discourage accidental or deliberate poisonings.
Denatonium is already used in denatured alcohol, nail biting preventatives, animal repellents, some liquid soaps and shampoos. It could have saved a few animals’ lives—and perhaps a few humans as well, although I can’t imagine a human’s ingestion of antifreeze being an accident.
Of course, a criminal wouldn’t consider adding this safety measure or he’d defeat his purpose. But then, if the chemical shows up in an autopsy, wouldn’t he be less inclined to use antifreeze as a poison at all? Apparently not, as deaths due to antifreeze poisoning in humans is a reality, although rare.
Except there are so many really stupid people out there, I feel I need to state the facts even though dumb people don’t read Criminal Brief—or go against the law—but if they did, I’m here to announce: there will be a trail and it will lead back to you, so don’t use antifreeze as a weapon.
The Carlson Company, LLC web site says “Poisoning is the act of murder committed in slow motion.”
The profile of a typical criminal who poisons is a Caucasian male with an average to above average intelligence who is an underachiever. He is not athletic and a loner. A careful planner, he is meticulous and dislikes confrontation. Do you know someone like this? If so, you might invest in a taste-tester, or better yet, don’t dine with him and never leave him alone with your pet.
In 1985, a major wine adulteration scandal erupted in Austria and Germany when it was discovered that a number of Austrian wineries had used antifreeze (diethylene glycol, to be precise; the scandal is known in the German-speaking world as the Glykolskandal) to sweeten their wines and give them fuller bodies. Fortunately, nobody was harmed by consumption of these wines. The only near-fatal casualty of the affair was Austria’s wine industry, which was virtually unable to export anything for many years. The clear winner, on the other hand, was Glykol (the word, not the substance), declared German word of the year 1985.
Now for the funny part: Legend has it that the illegal operation was discovered when a vintner tried to deduct enormous quantities of antifreeze on his tax return, even though he only owned one small tractor.
There used to be a show on Seattle TV called Almost Live. You can see sketches from it on Youtube, but not the one I’m thinking of.
Apparently an antifreeze used to advertise as being the only one that was not poisonous to dogs. So Almost Live did a commercial for it. “Why would you buy another brand? Do you WANT to kill your dog? You sick creep! Why would you even OWN a dog…” etc. Hilarious in a strange way.
I’ve always wondered why they didn’t change the taste to repel animals, too. And, an adult might not deliberately taste antifreeze, but a small child might accidentally get it on them and realize it is sweet…..
Good article!!
They used to sell a “pet friendly” type of antifreeze here that supposedly repeled animals.