Thursday, July 16: Femme Fatale
RULES for ALL STORYTELLERS
by Deborah Elliott-Upton
Playing on the Internet is often rewarding, sometimes great fun, and sometimes, a waste of time. I can’t imagine going back to a time where we didn’t have the World Wide Web as a playground and information highway. While hitting some Internet backroads, I stumbled on a poster web site that looked interesting . The poster that grabbed my attention was titled: “The Only 12 ½ Writing Rules You’ll Ever Need.”
Rule number 2 was “If it’s boring to you, it’s boring to your reader.”
Wow. That shouldn’t be so eye-opening, but it was. How often have you read a story that never went anywhere? Don’t you hate that? It’s like being robbed of time you’ll never get back.
Three questions come to mind:
- Why did the writer think that would be a good enough story?
- Why did the publisher buy that story?
- Why did I keep reading when it seemed dismal from the beginning?
I don’t recall the title, but many years ago my husband and I watched this much interrupted by commercials movie on late night TV. Mercedes McCambridge played the part of Nell. Her male companion – definitely not a love interest — kept saying, “Aw gee, Nell!” — which is the only reason I remember her character’s name. That movie dragged on and on, and yet, we kept watching it. I have no idea why except after a while, we were invested in the hopes it would turn out to be worthy of our time. Now when something proves to be extremely boring, one of us will look at the other and whine, “Aw gee, Nell.” It makes us smile and probably irritates our friends who didn’t see the film and have no idea why we say that.
So, what bores a reader?
- Long narrative passages
- Dialogue never differentiating from character to character
- Plot that is predictable
If I were writing a list of rules to not bore the reader, number one would be ADD HUMOR. This works only if you are funny. Nothing bores a reader quicker than writers who think they’re funny, but aren’t. Remember though, humor is subjective. Maybe what I think is funny, you wouldn’t. Find your own way. Someone out there will appreciate your humor. If not, start writing satire. People will either think you are funny or a genius or maybe both. It has fueled many careers to fame and fortune.
So, let me leave you with something that is making a lot of people smile. You may have already seen it, but it’s worth one more look.
Personal Note
To paraphrase Larry, the Cable Guy, “This here is funny, I don’t care who you are.” And it is certainly not boring.
N.B.
The Mercedes McCambridge movie is Run Home, Slow. The ungrammatical title was probably its first clue. Twenty-year-oild Frank Zappa wrote the score and the script was written by his English teacher. Zappa had this to say:
Run Home, Slow was a low budget western produced by Tim Sullivan, starring Mercedes McCambridge, written by my friend and high school English teacher, Don Cerveris. I wrote the music for it. The money from this job was used to buy an electric guitar and the Pal Recording Studio in Cucamonga. Pal was re-named ‘Studio Z.’
– from the booklet of The Old Masters, Box I
These were themes (originally written in 1959) from a cowboy movie for which I did the music in 1962 or 1963 (…). The plot had something to do with a bad ranch lady, a nymphomaniac cowgirl, and a hunch-back handy-man named Kirby who eventually winds up pooching the nympho in a barn, next to the rotting carcass of the family donkey.
– from the booklet of You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5
So, what bores a reader?
Personally, I have only one answer for that, and one answer only. If it doesn’t make you FEEL anything. People want to FEEL something. That’s it, really. It doesn’t really matter what: thrilled, amused, outraged, happy, envious, scared, angry, or even aroused. So, in my opinion, the good writer’s first concern should always be: in writing this chapter or paragraph (or even sentence), what am I trying to make the reader FEEL?
If the reader doesn’t FEEL anything at all (either because the characters aren’t interesting enough, or because the writer doesn’t know how to make you care about them even though they are), they’re bored.
I love that video, by the way. Now I’m happy. 🙂
*If the reader doesn’t FEEL anything at all (either because the characters aren’t interesting enough, or because the writer doesn’t know how to make you care about them even though they are), he/she is bored.
My husband and I watched ‘The New World’ with Colin Ferrell a couple of years ago. It was supposed to be a great tale of the start of this country, and Ferrell is always hot! Instead it was like watching ice melt in a blizzard. We did the same though, we plodded through it hoping it would get better. It didn’t. Wish we had know about ‘Nell’ then!! Lol!!
I’m always fascinated by the family catchphrases, like yours about Neil. I mean to compile a list of ours. The one i thought of recently is our reply to left-handed compliments.
In the movie A MAn For All Seasons someone tells Thomas More that Erasmus has called him “the English Socrates.” More replies: “I shall think of something presently to call Erasmus.”
Funny story about the connection between Mercedes McCambridge and Frank Zappa. I wonder if the movie would have been more interesting if the line were, “Aw, gee, Moon Unit.”
Another connection: McCambridge shared a role with Melodie Johnson Howe. They both played “Charity” in “I Love a Mystery.” McCambridge played the role twice on the radio series, and Melodie played the role on the TV adaptation.
We are all connected — everyone agrees, from Shirley MacLaine to religious people to the Kevin Bacon degrees of separation. 🙂
I agree on if one feels something…..I suppose one would be boredom?
We saw As Good as it Gets in a filled theatre and I was the only one sobbing into a kleenex.
My husband leaned over to say “This is a comedy–everyone is laughing” and I replied “It wasn’t funny, I know people like this.”
It’s all in what you take in, or in writing, dish out.
Thanks! This wasn’t boring! Love all the movie references that became family references! In mine, a thunderstorm would bring a reference to Capt. Daniel Gregg and Gull Cottage…(t.v. version)
To me, boring equals predictable.